CurrentMom

Not the Corner Office

Truth Thursday

Halleluyah.  An article about mothers who work outside of the home that doesn’t focus in on the so-called “mommy wars” about SAHMs and WOHMs.  One that doesn’t force our hand in the “lean-in” debate. One that doesn’t say that you can’t have a rewarding career without giving up a lot at home, and vice versa.

Instead, the New York Times article last week, entitled, “Coveting Not A Corner Office, But Time At Home” describes my ambition to a tee.  I want a rewarding career, one in which my work is valued and I enjoy my organization’s mission and think my colleagues are interesting, dynamic, complex people with whom to work. I want some modicum of recognition for a job well done, and for a career with a long trajectory of relative success. 

But I don’t want any of it to come at the expense of my family life. My home, with my spouse and children within its four walls, is the sanctuary of my world. I love those four people more than anything else, and their happiness, well-being and success is one of my key objectives. I want to be there as much as I can to enjoy their company, make them dinner, accompany them to their various activities, and cheer them on when they play soccer or field hockey, or win an award, or need a shoulder to cry on, or fail a test, or take a big step in their own ongoing life stories.

I am one of the most fortunate people I know, because I have found a way to have both. Between my more than a decade of consulting work, and now, with a flexible and family friendly office and an understanding supervisor and staff, I have been able to carve out a work life that gives me what I need in the office, as well as supports my need to take care of my family. It almost never asks me to choose between the two.

Leaning In

Truth Thursday

I probably didn’t even need to read Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, “Lean In,” because by the time I actually picked it up, I had read so many reviews, and had seen so much commentary about the book and about her everywhere – and I mean everywhere – that I felt like I already knew its basic premise (but for the record, unlike some bloggers who have written about her, I did read it.) 

It’s essentially a 4^th wave feminism theory. It’s not that we need to burn our bras for independence (1^st 20th century wave.) It’s not that we have to dress like men with floppy bow ties and shapeless suits to make our way up the corporate ladder (2^nd wave.) It’s not that we have to be superwomen, balancing work and family seamlessly and pretending that it’s all rose petals and perfection, and at the same time, fight the backlash against women in the world, a la Susan Faludi (3^rd wave.)

It’s that we are still trying to find a way to be the working women we want to be, the moms we want to be, the spouses and partners we want to be, and the people we want to be. And we need tools and support to make that happen. 

It’s actually a really good message, despite its detractors. Sure, many have criticized Sandberg for being elitist, for being wealthy and white, for being high up on the corporate ladder where few women rest and therefore not being able to see down the rungs behind her, for being hetero-normative, for being married to a partner with the ability to be flexible and allow her to stretch her limits with a safety net, etc. etc. 

All of this is true. And there is the whole nagging other side of the question that she doesn’t really address – how the work world does (or does not) support and accommodate women and men and families. But none of this makes her message any less resonant in my mind. 

Settling In

Truth Thursday

After a long, three-month dry spell, I finally had a day like I remember from before. A day where I felt accomplished, one in which I remembered why I love my work. A day that bolstered me instead of defeated me. A day in which I remembered why I was willing to step up and take on a full-time job that is actually three jobs and why I was willing to rework my relationship to my family, my life and myself.

It wasn’t a remarkable day in terms of what I did. I had the chance to meet someone new and begin a conversation about how we might work together. I had the chance to meet someone I’ve known for a long time and have a conversation about how we are already working together. And I had a chance to talk with the person who oversees my work (I have decided to stop using the word “boss” – it feels patriarchal and intimidating) and have a conversation about the many pieces I’m juggling, most of it seemingly successfully. 

That’s it. Three interactions. That was my whole work day. Very few emails. Little if nothing actually moved forward. But three incredibly satisfying, emotional and important interactions. 

At the end of the day, a day that also included incredible sadness intermingled with the satisfaction, as I had learned in the morning that the father of a very close friend had died, at the end of this day and after these conversations that fed me, I felt grounded in way that has eluded me for several months.

I have been twisting and turning since I took on the mantle of these new jobs, nervous about the many moving parts, overseeing a big move in our office that affects everyone – both physically and emotionally. Being responsible for how other people are feeling. Planning a trip to another country and not knowing how to land on the exact right dates for the trip, trying to please a lot of different players in the decision-making and not trusting my own instincts quite yet. Overseeing a dedicated group of volunteers who look to me for leadership and yet, feeling like I don’t have quite enough arms to ensure that their direction is clear.

Yahoo Goes Retro

Truth Thursday

I couldn’t possibly write about being a working mom this week without honing in on Marissa Mayers and her decision to disallow all Yahoo employees from working at home, whether they have a full or part-time telecommuting schedule, or just need a day to be at home to wait for the refrigerator repair guy and could get some work accomplished in the quiet of their kitchen.

I have a lot to say on this matter.

First and foremost, of course, the story didn’t start with this pronouncement. The story started over the summer when Mayers accepted the CEO position at Yahoo and about five minutes later announced she was pregnant with her first child. 

I have no problem with this, in theory. I don’t think women should have to hide their pregnancies in order to job search (or be recruited.) An employee who is good enough to hire is good enough to hire even if she needs a three-month parental leave soon after being hired. Employers who want to recruit and retain top talent should not be eliminating a large portion of their potential employee pool based on gender and age.

And having a top Internet company hire a woman for its top position was exciting. There was much buzz about what Mayers might bring to the table for Yahoo, a flailing operation.

The End of the Consulting Line

Truth Thursday

As the countdown continues towards my returning to a full-time work schedule, I had a vision today of why I am still feeling reluctant to take the final plunge.

It’s kind of like taming a wild horse. She goes down kicking and screaming and whinnying. But ultimately, she goes down.

Anyone who has successfully worked for themselves knows the thrill of landing a new project, a new business contact, a new client. They understand the sense of satisfaction of doing it yourself, and not being reliant on anyone else’s timetable. The enormous relief of not being beholden to any boss but yourself, and a sense of freedom that you can never achieve at a 9-to-5 job.

Only someone who has been their own boss understands the fun in the complexity of figuring out how many client projects you can juggle in one week. Of the joy in networking that leads to a gig. Of the pleasure of commuting to your living room, and only committing to outside meetings when it's not rush hour. And then there's the added bonus of being able to exercise mid-day, and get much needed sunlight during the winter. (There's little more awful than being stuck inside a windowless office all day with nothing but florescent lights, dark when you leave in the morning and dark when you come home.)

Of course, there are also the down sides. The drop in the pit of your stomach, like being on a roller coaster ride, the first time (and the second and the third and the fourth) when you realize that you don’t necessarily know when your next check will come in. Or IF it will come in – will that new client adhere to the contract and pay on time?  There is also the feeling of never, ever truly being away on vacation. Your clients might need you, and they can easily rip the rug out from underneath you if you’re not available – you’re much more expendable than a staff person.