CurrentMom

Into the Parenting Wilderness - A Book Review

Truth Thursday

I am a reader, and a writer, but I have never before been a reviewer. David Ebenbach’s emotionally engaging new collection of short stories, Into the Wilderness, has changed that.

As a mom who writes about the intersection of life, work and parenthood, I sometimes smugly think that I have the higher ground when it comes to musing about the parenting life; how can a man possibly understand the complicated lives we mothers live? And the few dads who do take it upon themselves to write about their fathering experiences often couch it in standard-issue stupid/funny dad-stuff – teaching their kids how to make icky bodily noises, playing baby-too-high-in-the-air with their young children, and an abundance of pre-adolescent whining about lost youth and opportunity.

But David Ebenbach has created a completely different paradigm of man-into-dad literature. His beautifully-crafted stories take the reader into the lives of his characters, both men and women, and leave us wanting more.

Although each story stands alone, four of the book’s gems follow the life of Judith, a new mother but not by choice. Judith is single, a young and hungry journalist, and like many young urban dwellers, still in search of herself. But a night fraught with indecision and passion leads her to an unplanned pregnancy, which she, surprising even herself, decides to keep.

We meet Judith after the baby, whose name has not yet been chosen, is coming home from the hospital. Her parents, in from Indiana, are crowded in her small city apartment, trying to make the best of a complicated situation. Once they had accepted that Judith was indeed, having a baby, that there was no apparent father, and that she was in it alone, they swooped in, determined to help.

While grateful for her parents, Judith still struggles. The most difficult question is what to name her baby girl. Judith, although not observant, is Jewish, and the question of naming the baby – an important Jewish ritual – takes on gargantuan proportions in her first days as a mother.

Confessions of a Freelancing Mother

Family Friday

Guest post by Charlotte Foreman, of BestChickLit.com.

The majority of freelance writers need, to some degree, peace and quiet. So how do you achieve this when you have two school-age children, one preschooler and a husband who also works from home? I know it's harsh to say, but my heart sinks just a little when I hear that all-too-familiar early morning call of "Mummy?" from the top of the stairs, just ten minutes after I have begun work. How do they know I am up? I am deathly quiet every morning, but still they manage to interrupt my early work session every day. The mind boggles and I have, in desperation, come up with the following conspiracy theory: there is some sort of alarm/beacon embedded in my laptop that somehow alerts my children when switched on.

It's not that I begrudge spending time with my children. This is exactly the reason I rise at stupid-o'clock every weekday morning to try to get as much work done as possible before the children get up, and so "mommy's work" doesn't intrude too much on the rest of our day. But no, whatever my logic, my children simply do not share my reasoning and as far as they are concerned, as soon as I get up I am fair game. Apart from this situation leading to a rather frustrated mother, the early mornings can also lead to some very tired and grumpy children, which then has a knock-on effect on rest of the day. My life seems to consist of me sneaking in little bits of work here and there between outings, meals, games and housework.

Exhuasted by the Mommy Wars

Work Wednesday

I'm tired. Too tired to think, too tired to type, and, ummm, too tired to blog.

So, I apologize in advance if this week's post is, well, a bit weary. It's not just that it's been a crazy month with visiting parents, holiday celebrations, my son's birthday, my wedding anniversary, two international trips (one personal, one work) and the rest of the activities and commitments that make up my regular routine.  It's this:

I am tired of the "mommy wars."

In the last few weeks, the "mommy wars" seem to have mutated from a mostly far-off skirmish (albeit, one that never completely goes away) to a hot home front battle. There have been a slew of articles, commentary and "analysis" from politicians, pundits, and bloggers drumming up the conflict.  (Just Google "mommy wars" and you'll see.) The line of fire has come from multiple directions including the Ann Romney-Hilary Rosen row and French feminist Elisabeth Badinter's new book, The Conflict: How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women. (Actually, more on that when I'm awake. From what I've read about the book and Badinter's philosophy, it will be a controversial but interesting read.)

While much of this mommy war-mongering seems phony, manufactured cynically to sway women voters and sell books, it's clear that there are still some real divisions in society over motherhood and work. The Pew Research Center recently reported that while society has, more or less, come to a consensus that values women in the workforce, there's still a lot of what Pew termed "ambivalence" about working moms, especially moms with young children working outside the home. (In fact, 37% of Americans think that this is "bad" for society.) Sometimes, when that ambivalence is stoked, the "mommy wars" erupt.

Are You a Retrosexual?

Your girl Rogue has never been afraid to go retro, even referring to herself as a ‘housewife’ because, well, it most accurately describes her current life.  But she was nevertheless surprised when she tuned into the series premiere  of AMC’s Mad Men a few weeks ago only to witness the suave main character Don Draper fall for the most basic form of seduction from his hot new wife.  No we're not talking about her prancing around at a party singing "Zou Bisou Bisou."  Interestingly, he was turned off by that.  After he gave her the cold shoulder, she resorted to the pouty get-on-your-knees-in-your-sexiest-bra-and-panties and-angrily-scrub-the-floor routine.  Worked like a charm.  Or let's just say he responded in a very manly way. 

Rogue wonders if the male domination model really speaks to modern women.  It sure seems so. 

Life on the Highway: When Career Track and Mommy Track Merge

Work Wednesday

Guest post by Wendy Levitt.

Last month my daughter turned eleven. Of course, I celebrated her. Her birthday, her life, her friends. But I celebrated something else, too. Last month I celebrated my eleventh anniversary of motherhood. I had to laugh. Eleven years ago it never would have occurred to me to view motherhood as an accomplishment. 

Eleven years ago I was a career woman with a rising star. When I wasn't working, I was talking about work. Thinking about work. Dreaming about work. When I closed my eyes I saw PowerPoint slides. I was -- as my mother frequently reminded me -- someone who had too much potential to stay at home and be "just" a mom.  

Eleven years later I can finally appreciate that motherhood is more than being "just" a mom. But eleven years ago, I didn't know. Eleven years ago I was flat on my back in nothing but a paper gown and way-too-huge maternity bra. My water-balloon belly poked straight into the air. "My baby." I rubbed the side of my belly affectionately with one hand and tapped the keys on my BlackBerry with the other, doing a quick search to make sure I'd locked the times for our mommy-and-me classes so no one could double book me into a meeting -- unless it was really important.

When my exam was over, I only had one question, "Can I be induced the Friday after next?" I'd blocked the entire afternoon. The plan (yes, I really thought this) was to deliver on Friday and be ready for conference calls the following Monday.