Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: burgenschenker [ in slow motion ]
It starts off young. The moniker of "best friend." My 4-year-old is not immune to this, and while he has a stable "best friend," it can be hard to keep track of others that temporarily wear the label. At this early age, friendship is relatively simple: it is declared, and then honored by playing together during recess.
Sometime, around fourth or fifth grade, friendships change. There is an awareness of this concept called "popularity" and that begins to shift friend allegiances. Popularity, as we adults know, it something that is not ever real. I'm not speaking from insider information, but from what I've seen, those that are popular never feel comfortable with that status, as by its very nature, it can be fleeting. It is more a state of maintaining popularity rather than "being" popular.
Back to my 4-year-old, as he defines friendships as those that listen to him (and conversely do what he says) and those that don't. I overheard him playing with a friend recently, and he was instructing his friend around the rules of the game that he was making up. (The same rules would inevitably shift when the outcome wasn't what my son had in mind). I pulled him over and suggested that perhaps his friend might want to suggest a game for them to play. Without missing a beat, he said, "Hey, Ben, you should have us play a game that is like this..." And he proceeded to give detailed instructions.
I recently was talking to a parent who has a middle school aged daughter struggling with friendships. At this age, gossip is a powerful tool, as it can change relationships instantly. With the advent of texting and the internet, such news can be spread faster than one can imagine. The parent's struggle was with how involved should she be? Should she let the other parents know that her daughter has been advised to stay away from their girls? Is the onus on her daughter to set those boundaries?
As we age, friendships become more tricky, with more at stake. Friends contribute to our sense of happiness and well-being.
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