Fatherhood Friday
The holidays were great for our family to spend quality, unstructured time with our three-month old son. It also marked the end of my wife’s maternity leave and the transition to our new reality as a family of five. Which highlights the importance of our relying on the rhythm method during this period of change.
No, not that rhythm method. Let me explain.
Both my wife and I were able to use vacation and flex time at the end of the year. We didn’t make any travel plans, or really many substantial plans at all. We wanted to focus on having some unstructured time with everyone.
And we had a great time. No alarm clocks were used all week. Sometimes all five of us stayed in our pajamas until 3 p.m. Other days we decided last minute to go on a field trip to this museum or the nature center. We watched a number of fun family movies. The older kids (ages 8 and 2) got a nice break from school/day care, I had some relaxing time away from the office and my wife was able to ease into her return from maternity leave.
On the night before we all went back to school/daycare/work, though rested and energized, I found myself very much not wanting to go back to work. It wasn’t so much about work as wishing that the fun of the past week could be extended.
But a funny thing happened the next morning. When the alarm clock went off at 6:30 a.m. I went downstairs to make some coffee. While I was standing in front of the coffee maker I was hit by the sudden realization that it felt good to get back into a rhythm.
The previous week had been enjoyable but when I was honest with myself I admitted that sometimes the joy of spontaneity was superseded by the stress of figuring out what the heck we would do that day that would keep these kids entertained. Maybe those “planned” lazy mornings weren’t all relaxing.
But, on our first day back to school/daycare/work we once again all knew what we had to do and when we had to do it if we were going to get everyone to their appropriate locations at the appropriate time. And there was some relief in that.
I think my wife and I are particularly cognizant of the importance of getting into a rhythm because we can pretty much toss out the past morning schedules. For the past two years we only had to get two kids out of the house. For the past three months we only had to get one adult out of the house.
Now that maternity leave was over we were, really for the first time, staring at our new reality as a family of five with two full-time working parents. Transitions in general are tough, but I think if we don’t get those mornings right – and consistently right – it’s a double whammy.
If its stressful in the morning, everyone is in a lousy mood. No family fun there. But it also sets all of us up for a bad day. We’ve used up our store of stress resistors and a lot of energy in general and are now ill equipped to handle any other curveballs thrown our way.
We’ve only just begun our new reality, with all its pros and cons. In order to accentuate the pros and reduce the cons it’s going to be important for us to get into a routine. So, as we begin 2012 my wife and I will be toasting – and relying on – the rhythm method to get us going into the next stage of our lives.
(Photo credit: http://www.visualphotos.com/photo/2x3336423/Man_making_coffee_42-15200166.jpg)
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