CurrentMom

The Interminable Waiting Game

Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: Dalo_pix2

I'm noticing that winter tends to be a season of waiting. Waiting for the weather to warm up or the days to get longer. Waiting for colleges to let you know if you should start making plans. Waiting for school to end and summer to begin.

I just got to experience waiting by proxy. The kind of waiting that I think is the most difficult of all: waiting for test results. The kind of waiting where you eagerly want the phone to ring, and simultaneously, are afraid of who might be on the other line. Waiting to hear "all clear," and yet being afraid to hope for that too much, less you jinx it (as if things actually work that way). What made this waiting a little more tough was that they weren't even MY results, but my mom's.

I got a call last week from my mom letting me know that at her doctor's appointment, there was a lump in her breast that was detected. Her doctor used a syringe to see if it was a cyst, and if it was, there would be liquid coming out. The syringe was inserted, but there wasn't any liquid. The next step was to get a biopsy. This would determine what kind of mass it was: benign or cancerous. I was able to be calm while on the phone, although I flashed back to my own waiting for results. I tried to mention this in a way to be in concert with her during this waiting. To protect myself from one of life's biggest fears (death), I wrapped some emotional distance from this news and put it "away."

Fast forward to Monday morning. I was getting my kids ready for the day, and the phone rings. It's my mom. I had forgotten that today was "Result Day" and I answered the phone. In an upbeat voice, I heard. "I just got the results back. Everything is fine. They are just going to monitor me." Three sweet phrases! As I was talking to her, I could feel my eyes well up with tears. The distanced emotion was raging full force! In that moment, I could feel what I almost lost. And I am grateful for this extra time found.

Just Like Mom Used to Make -- The Benefit of Baking Mixes and Easy One Dish Chili Dinner

 

Meal Monday

Let me begin by saying my mother is an excellent cook. And her mother was an excellent baker. But one key lesson I learned from them and from my own experience is that sometimes, a mix is better than scratch.  We already know that using prepared foods can save lots of time. I do think that in cooking, for the most part, making it yourself is almost always better -- though I have no problem with "homemade" being essentially an assemblage of store-bought ingredients. 

But when some guilt-inducing commercial comes on and waxes rhapsodic about something (usually cookies or pie or cake) that tastes just like "mom used to make," I have to laugh. My mother, for all her gourmet meals, always stocked cake mixes, brownie mixes and cans of frosting. And she came by that habit rightly. 

One afternoon, about 25 years ago, my cousin and I set aside several hours to spend time with my grandmother to learn how she made such delicious matzo balls. We were just learning how to cook and we were very excited about the tradition we'd be carrying on once we learned what went into this time-honored recipe. We put on our aprons, washed our hands and looked at her expectantly as we stood in her warm kitchen. 

"Okay," Nana said, "first, you pour the box of Manishewitz mix into the bowl." My cousin and I burst out laughing. Really? This was it? No big secret? How disappointing, and yet so liberating. The Great Matzo Ball Lesson took all of ten minutes. And the product was delicious. And I think of Nana every time I dump the matzo ball mix into the bowl. 

Shortly after my husband and I got married, and I was still looking for a job (read: had lots of extra time), I decided to make brownies. From scratch. Because of course, they'd be more authentic and better than brownies from a mix. The recipe was reasonably labor-intensive and involved a double boiler and a considerable amount of standing and stirring. I thought they were quite good, but the deflating comment from the Husband was "these are okay, but I like the ones from a mix better."

There you have it. Sometimes, not only does a mix save time and probably money, but the result is actually better. I say this for certain items only (see my pantry staples above). I mean, who would ever make fruit flavored gelatin dessert from scratch? Maybe someone, but not here. My 11-year-old son is quite the expert Jello maker. 

All In a Day's Work

Truth Thursday

One of the things I like the most about parenting teens and tweens is that I remember being their age. As such, I feel like I have a better sense of the needs, desires and anguish of their lives. At least to the degree that I can offer a sensitive, listening ear once in a while, and a hug when they’ll allow it.

One of the things I like the least about parenting, however, is the relentless chaos of it all.

Last week, all of this came together. Witness my day:

6:00 am: woke teen up for his final exam in biology. Based on the pace of his movements, decided that I couldn’t afford the ½ hour out of the house to work out.

6:15 am: woke teen again.

6:30 am: woke tween up for her finals in Band and English.

6:45 am: determined that tween was sick and kept her home until her final later in the day

7:00 am: donned rubber gloves and scrubbed the master bath, the only room to have escaped my cleaning frenzy three days earlier

7:25 am: threw in first laundry load of the day

7:30 am: began checking work emails

8:00 am: woke up 10 year old, made lunch and had breakfast together

8:30 am: shipped 10 year old to bus-stop – reminded him of clarinet lesson, Hebrew school and basketball practice

9:00 am: second laundry load

9:30 am: picked up teen from finals

10:00 – 11:30 am: worked from home

11:30 am: took tween to school

11:45 am – 1:00 pm: more work from home

1:00 pm: ran to consignment store for uniform for 10 year old’s band concert on Thursday

3:30 pm: took tween to bat mitzvah training

6:00 pm: on drive back from bat mitzvah training, listened as tween described the fact that her hamster had seemed chilled this morning; discussed options for taking care of him

6:30 pm: arrived home to find hamster no longer of this earth

6:31 pm: consoled hysterical tween

6:40 pm: tween picked up by best friends for basketball practice and comforted

6:45 pm: determined that 10 year old’s tummy hurt too much to attend basketball practice

6:50 pm: realized that dinner was still to be determined

7:00 pm: reheated soup for dinner

7:15 pm: remembered that there was still damp laundry to put in dryer

The evening consisted of additional work, conversation with spouse and younger son, and realization that teen had fallen asleep sometime in the late afternoon, and probably wouldn’t wake until morning. And laundry.

That was an easy day.

Except for the hamster.

Finding the Dragon Within on Chinese New Year

Truth Tuesday

Growing up a mixed-race child in lily-white upstate New York, I wanted nothing more than to blend in with my peers. If people asked, "what are you?" I would claim, "I'm just like you!" This despite the Chinese mother by my side and my own clearly Asian hair, eyes and skin. I celebrated Chinese New Year with my family, of course -- who could resist sweet pastries, brown sugar cake and red packets stuffed with money -- but never shared any of these traditions with friends at school.

At the same time, I followed the model minority path of good grades, musical prowess, and adherence to most school and parental rules. I genuinely thought of myself as a meek and obedient girl who would never make waves in life. An introvert.

How things change. 

Since becoming a mother eight years ago and an independent journalist three years ago -- courtesy of a somewhat anticipated layoff -- I have found my voice with a vengeance. And the process began earlier, of course, with every career success or personal triumph that built my self-esteem little by little. But somehow, having children for whom to set an example and a family to feed give me the motivation to speak my mind and the confidence to know that my thoughts are worth sharing.

In particular, I've started speaking up about work-life balance and workplace flexibility. For the last decade, I've covered workplace issues as a journalist. My intense focus on this subject has hammered home my belief that work gives life meaning -- but it can also drain life of joy without healthy boundaries. 

Gadgets Galore -- Easy Panini

Meal Monday 

I am what is known in business school case studies as a late adapter (see Luddite). I cannot be convinced (no matter how hard my husband tries) to give up my traditional date book that I mark in pencil. I got an iPhone last spring from my children as a birthday present, primarily so they can play games on it. I was perfectly happy with an old fashioned cell phone.  

I literally do not know how to turn on the television in our house. Once there is more than a single remote control, I give up. I do not have the extra brain space to devote to something that's supposed to make my life easier, but carries what I consider a steep learning curve.  

So it came as a surprise to my family and to myself, that I have gone slightly gadget crazy in the kitchen recently. Last year, I gave us all an ice cream maker. And we have used it quite a bit to make sorbets. The insert takes up a lot of space in the freezer, and falls on someone's foot on a regular basis, but overall, it was a good purchase.  

It has since been supplanted, however, by the as-seen-on-tv Yonanas machine. This simple blender-like contraption turns frozen bananas into a creamy soft-serve dessert. It's really good and guilt-free, because after all, it's only a banana. Of course, I am not counting the Nutella or chocolate chips we add in ("just a little") to dress it up.  Pretty soon, I fear, the ice cream maker will be relegated to the basement shelf next to the bread machine. 

My other new favorite is my Cuisinart Griddler. It does everything. I suspect it bears more than a passing resemblance to that perennial favorite of gadgeteers everywhere, the George Foreman Grill, but I found this one at Costco and I love it. It takes up about the same amount of counter space as a laptop (we cram it into the cabinet when not in use). It has two inserts -- one side is a grill/panini device and the other is just a flat griddle. It would have been my savior a couple of years ago when we renovated our kitchen and had the refrigerator and single electric burner from Walgreens in the dining room, but alas, I am a late adapter (see above), and did not have it then. 

Now, despite having a fully-equipped kitchen, I am an enthusiastic proponent of this widget. I favor the grill side and use it mainly as a panini press, but I did make some awesome French toast the other day on the griddle side. BUT, when I tried to scramble the remaining egg mixture ("why waste it?"), at least half the mixture rolled right off the griddle and into the handy-dandy drip pan. Not a big success. 

The paninis, though, have become a staple for us -- great easy dinners and weekend lunches. I stock individual focaccia rolls (my kids love them) and cold cuts, along with cheese and avocado and tomatoes and can always whip up a panini or two. The other day, I made my daughter a panini with sliced turkey and black olive tapenade. Rave reviews ensued. 

I guess we can file this in the progress column. I will continue to use my date book ("OMG Mom!") and be frustrated with the television, but the learning curve was worth all the effort for a good panini.