Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn
An afternoon alone, sans kids, thanks to The Grandparents. You get your errands done, and it's time to reunite. You child comes home, and you hear that there was a fight between your toddler and their Grandparent. So what do you do?
First, get the information. Talk to the adult. What happened? Your toddler wasn't listening (like that is a shock). The Grandparent became frustrated, and went back to his/her parenting methods. A light spanking ensued. This was not the information you expected. So what to do? Try to stay calm. Are you able to express to The Grandparent that this is not how you correct behavior? Perhaps you tried, and were met with protests of how this is how they parented, and it worked then. (As a point of reference, when we were kids, sleeping on one's stomach was encouraged, and car seats were an afterthought). It seems that the points of reference are a little outdated. How can you gently convey this? Or maybe even not so gently?
This type of scenario can be common. Grandparents exercising their parenting beliefs (especially during times of frustration, as we all fall back on what we know) might not be upholding the same methods that you employ.
Conversations are key. Express clearly what your expectations are.
Model. Model. Model. Demonstrate how you handle parenting corrections.
Role Play. You can even strategize together around how it can be done differently next time.
When correcting a Grandparent, it is important to recognize that the conversation might need to occur several times. In different ways. Additionally, it will be important to work with your child around the behavior that was being corrected. I've taught parents to say things like, "It wasn't OK for Johnny to hit you. But it also wasn't OK for you to spank him." Firm reminders around who are the parents might also be important: "I can appreciate that this was how you did it when you parented. However, we are Johnny's parents, and our methods are different."
Hopefully, this gets everyone back on the same page.
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