What's Going on in Working Moms' Beds?

Work Wednesday

One of my favorite treats is reading The New York Times in bed. But I wasn't thrilled with the Times' recent piece on what's going on in working moms' beds. It's not what you think, though. It's about what's not going on. In this case, sleep.

The article by Pamela Paul, Sleep Medication: Mother's New Little Helper, focuses on a half-dozen 40-something moms who lie awake at night "debating and categorizing the details of working motherhood." (There are a few moms quoted in the article of indeterminate occupational status but almost all of the women mentioned have careers and kids.) They worry about everything from permission slips to client e-mails to schedules to "worrying about the worry." And they pop all kinds of pills and seek all sorts of sleep therapies to get through the night.

I know first-hand that motherhood, especially in the early stages, rocks your sleep patterns. (The memory of nearly all-night breastfeeding sessions still makes me want to cry.) Sleep studies show that there are many women, not just moms, who suffer from insomnia, especially as they age and hormonal changes kick in. Nevertheless, I found the Times emphasis on working moms' "maternal unrest" unsettling.

Why? Mainly because of the "Let's the blame the working moms" undertone in the Times report. Midway through the piece, the author declares - based on slim anecdotal evidence - that the reality of modern parenthood is that "it is the mothers who keep themselves awake."

Then, there's the less-than-helpful quote from Dr. Myer Kryger, a sleep expert, who proclaims that women "'are really paying the price in sleep for their current role in society.' Given their often-dueling roles as both a breadwinner and primary caregiver, 'they have way more problems with insomnia.'" I'm not sure what we're supposed to do with Dr. Kryger's observations.  Revert to our historical roles?

And finally, there's Dr. Shelby Harris, another sleep expert, who asserts that a lot of women are sleepless because they don't "prioritize." Really? And men do?

I feel a lot of sympathy for women who suffer from sleep deprivation, but I'm skeptical that the problem stems solely from their "perfectionism" (the Times' word) or their psyches. The Times does mention other causes, such as the creep of technology into the bedroom, but it doesn't talk about phsyiological factors or the impact of the  "second shift" on women's wakefulness.

As for me, I am so exhausted each night from my multi-tasking days that, usually, once I manage to get myself to bed (often much too late), I sleep, and I sleep soundly. Very soundly. My problem isn't falling asleep or staying asleep. It's mainly, as my husband can attest, waking up in the morning!

CurrentMom readers, are you able to sleep through the night or are you awake in the wee hours? What's your strategy to cope with sleep deprivation?

Photo by PHOTONES_TAKUMA via Flickr.com.

 

Comments

[Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed)]

I share your sleep patterns 100%! As a busy mompreneur, I can't imagine not being able to fall asleep!

I also imagine that for women who do suffer from insomnia, the "second shift" is more likely to be a cause than "personality." When more men take on responsibilities to buy birthday gifts for the endless class parties, bake the cake for the school event, make sure the gym clothes are clean and ready to wear on the right day, not to mention equally share the everyday chores . . . relief might arrive.

[Paula]

I'm a working mom and I have occasional insomnia and chronic tension headaches. Just started a new med that is supposed to help me sleep and prevent me from waking up with a headache. I'm reading this at 5:30am after having been awake since 3:45 (went to bed at 11:45). Sigh.