In the days following the untimely death of Steve Jobs, the genius behind Apple’s world-changing i-devices, several variations of this meme made the rounds of social media: “Ten years ago, we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Today, we have no Cash, no Hope, and no Jobs.”
Well, I thought, sadly flipping through a thousand irritating emails on my iPod Touch, I am one of the lucky ones. I’ve got a job. A full-time job that provides a fair wage, subsidized health insurance, pre-tax spending accounts for medical copays and day care costs, paid vacation days and holidays, and a bunch of nice people to work with in a nice office building. I shouldn’t take this for granted.
But, even though I paused to give thanks for full-time employment, I realize now that I didn’t really take my own advice to heart. I didn’t think it all the way through: What if I suddenly don’t have that job anymore? What would my plan be? Eh, I’ll think about that later, I told myself.
Well, wouldn’t you know it – now I suddenly don’t have that job anymore.
It wasn’t on account of anything I did wrong or ingratitude on the part of my employer; the work just went away. I’ve never experienced a job loss like this before. In the past, I’ve quit jobs because I wanted to, after having made a conscious decision to move on to something different--something specific, with an offer letter attached to it. This felt more like a death in the family. I felt unmoored, sick, powerless.
It’s been two weeks (so far) of emotional highs and lows. I’m still not sure exactly what comes next, but I have some freelance work to tide me over while I figure that out. But I continue to find myself falling prey to some classic emotional traps, responding to every victory as if all my problems were solved forever, and to every setback as if I were destined to fail. So, for my fellow warriors of “funemployment,” (as one friend calls it), I’m preserving two of these unhelpful emotional states in writing. Be aware of them, and when you find yourself succumbing to one, do whatever you can to scurry on back to your rational place.
1. Imposter syndrome. Beautifully described on CurrentMom by Karen Paul-Stern, imposter syndrome strikes especially hard when the chips are down. Sure, you were laid off through no fault of your own. Everyone raved about your work and was sad to see you go. But you have this sneaking suspicion that balloons into certainty when you're all alone in the house staring at the computer screen. You lost the job because you weren’t qualified for it to begin with. You aren’t finding a replacement job in the same salary range because you don’t deserve that salary. You got that job because of some kind of fluke, but now you’ve been found out. You should just take the first offer you get, even if it’s $20k less than what you were making before.
Don’t go there – just don’t! Unless you have real, hard evidence that salaries have decreased for your type of work, there is no reason to accept a pay cut. The best way I’ve found to fight the feeling of being a fraud is to pick up the phone and talk to people who know you and know your work. Just having a casual conversation with a former colleague can lift your spirits – “Hey, remember that time we worked all night on that annual report and that’s when you found out the subway trains don’t run at 4am? Hardy har har!” Suddenly, you remember that night, that report, and the fact that the client called you a “godlike genius” when you handed it over on time and under budget. You’re good at what you do. Someone’s going to pay money for that.
2. Now I have time to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS! Inspired by the web comic Hyperbole and a Half - “This is why I’ll never be an adult” , this self-delusion can send you straight into a shame spiral if you fail to recognize it. Now that I’m not working 8 hours a day outside the home, I told myself, I will finally have time to catch up on all the things I’ve been putting aside!
Here are just a few items on that list:
- Finish backlog of laundry, ironing and mending
- File all the stacks of paper in neat, labeled folders
- Paint two or three paintings a week and catalog all of my artwork
- Throw out all the CRAP
- Train for another half marathon
- Finish my final projects for school 2 weeks early
And the list goes on. Here is what I’ve accomplished so far:
- Washed two loads of laundry
- Caught up on my favorite web comics
- Ate pie
Now, given that I’ve had two whole entire weeks off, that seems pretty sad. But in this situation, you must remind yourself: It takes work to find a job. Just about 8 hours a day of work, in fact. You have to update your resume (or even come up with multiple versions of your resume). You have to search for jobs. To do that, you have to network – meet up with people, talk on the phone, send a bazillion emails, go to networking events and workshops, etc. You have to write cover letters. You have to organize your work samples. And, most important, you have to get through job interviews without having a Rick Perry-esque brain meltdown.
These are just two of the evil tricks our minds can play. We must stay vigilant against these confidence thieves and fight them off when they come sneaking up on us. Whew - It's pretty exhausting being unemployed! I think this calls for another piece of pie.
Photo of pies by AlyssssylA on Flickr.
Thanks for the shout-out, Jen, and so sorry to hear about your job predicament. When my husband lost his job, through no fault of his own, and very suddenly, last winter, we went through a lot of what you describe, plus the sense of "how could this happen to us when we did everything right?" In this economy, nobody is safe, and none of the old rules apply. It's quite scary. He has said that looking for a job was the hardest job he ever had. On the other hand, I fully endorse pie, and it sounds to me like you accomplished just the right amount in the first two weeks. Good, good luck.
Posted by: Karen | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 06:39 PM
Thank you for your warm thoughts, Karen! You know, as much as I tell myself "do NOT let this get to you" the suspicion that I've messed up in some way always sneaks in. The rules and job landscape definitely have changed in the last few years, but at the same time, it seems to me that people are also looking out for each other a little more. Maybe social media has something to do with this because we're more aware, even if peripherally, of things going on in other people's lives. I've been truly heartened by the sheer number of friends who have reached out to me, even if it's just to say "I'm in the same boat, let's meet sometime soon and catch up."
Posted by: JenB | Wednesday, November 16, 2011 at 09:39 PM
Thanks for bring impostor feelings out of the closet - if you've never realized there is a name for these nebulous feelings of self-doubt you may walk around thinking you're the only one.
If after even after all those reminders of your accomplishments you still find yourself dismissing them as "just" luck, timing, charm, or connections step back and recognize that all these thing are not "excuses" for success but rather legitimate factors in everyone's success --- including yours.
No one likes to fail. People with impostor syndrome experience shame. Don't. Failure, set-backs, mistakes offer valuable opportunities to learn and grow. Instead of seeing these things as "proof" of your ineptness, do what pro athletes do and mentally review the game tape to see what lessons can be gleaned then move on.
Valerie Young
Author, The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from the Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It
Posted by: Valerie Young | Thursday, November 17, 2011 at 12:47 PM