Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn
[The following is a vignette, and does not depict an actual person]
It's the time of year when I see the common themes of dread and despair--must be the holidays! That's the time when we celebrate with loved (and tolerated) ones and profess to be happy with our lives. At least in the first ten minutes. Then somehow, our buttons get pressed, and we are counting the minutes until it's time to go.
An example is a client of mine, Mindy. She's a working professional with a family of her own. But when she returns to her family of origin, it's as if she's 13 again. She feels self-conscious, lacking in ability, and dumb. This is such a contrast to the woman I see: confident, respected in her workplace, and very intelligent. She describes being with her mother as, "being stuck in a time machine. I know I'm not that girl anymore, but somehow, she comes back with a vengeance."
Does this sound familiar? So rather than loathe and retreat this holiday season, come to your feast ready with emotional armor to protect you...and perhaps even lead to an enjoyable meal!
First, set your expectations. Are they realistic? Sometimes, when we are sure we know what is going to happen, we can change our reactions, which alter the entire dynamic. An example, if a parent makes a critical remark, rather than engage, you can reply in a neutral way, "I'll take that under advisement."
Second, know your limits. If your family starts to really get to you after two days, do you really need to stay with them for three?
Third, establish boundaries. Be clear on your schedule, and what you will tolerate emotionally. No one has a right to be bullied.
Fourth, take it in stride. Remember, this is a festive season.
Fifth, don't find solace in food. Rather than eat your emotions away, take a walk. Call a friend. Food inevitably adds to troubles, it doesn't take them away.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
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