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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Comments

Katherine

I had a very similar experience with my second maternity leave -- not wanting it to end. In addition to the very turbulent path you took this time around, I wonder if it's because you are a more confident, mature mom, so you are able to enjoy it more and have less anxiety. That was certainly the case for me! Congratulations, and enjoy the time with your daughter.

Christy

A very timely post for me. I don't know why it seemed that going back to work would be easier the second time around--as if I were an old pro--when, in fact, it seems that much harder in terms of work/life balance and just what that reentry identity can and will be.

Dorothy Doyle

Indeed,our children are such gifts. As you know, my own challenging journey to finally becoming a mother, inspired me to take a much longer time off from work than I ever dreamed that I would. I don't regret a single minute of it - they are only little for a short time. I'm so glad you are cherishing your time with your daughter. This kind of perspective is the blessing that comes out of a journey that was preceded by grief. Through these experiences you have learned that as a mother you don't lose the "old" you, you expand your heart, mind, and outlook - giving you so much more to offer to others including family, friends, and those you counsel. I really do think our children teach us so very much about life and what is truly important. Julie, you've learned so many important things through your little girl before you even got to hold her. What an amazing teacher she has already been! :-) Big hugs to all, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Karen

On the one hand, this post reminds me of my own extended (5 moth) maternity leave with my daughter, who was the gift of life after our infant son (our second child) had died the year before when he was 5 days old. I can't remember a sweeter time in my life than those 5 months with my now 12-year-old daughter. And I definitely was not happy about going back to work, although I did.

But what I am learning now, as the mother of older children, is how much that time, that maternity leave and the feelings I experienced during it, were all about me. Now, my time at home with my kids is all about them. They know when I'm here, and when I'm not here. They know when I have too many work meetings scheduled at night, or early in the morning so that I can't walk my youngest to school, or what it's like for me to juggle fullt-time work and full-time parenting when their dad is on a business trip, which happens almost every other month. They know that I am around almost every afternoon to shuttle them to activities because I have worked out my work life in such a way that I am home and a part of their afternoon routines. And it matters to them.

I remember when I had babies and young children, hearing moms of teens talk about how it made more sense for them to scale back from work at that stage, and that they almost regretted having agonized about it so much when their kids were babies. I certainly don't regret being with my (two younger kids) when they were young, and relish those moments of my children's lives, but I really do get the need to be around and more present for the older kids now.

As we all know, it's incredibly fleeting. And we all have to make decisions that make sense for ourselves, our kids and our families about our work lives during the years we are raising our children. The answers are different for everyone. But babies or teens, as their moms, we are the centerpiece of their lives for many years, and the trick is to find the balance that allows us to be ourselves, provide for our family, enjoy our professional success, and at the same time embrace and nurture and tend to our children in the way that is best for everyone.

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