I live in Washington, DC, and so the talk over the past week, at least by the pundits, radio personalities and every conceivable media outlet, has been about the debt ceiling. Apparently, our country needs to raise it in order to function and do things like pay its employees. That's about as sophisticated I get about national economics.
It's also about as sophisticated as I get about my own personal economics. Money is not a topic I enjoy. Not the government's, not mine. Money is one of those marriage hot buttons – many marriages end or are at least in constant conflict over money. My husband and I have the textbook financial relationship – one of us is a saver and one of us is a spender. One of us keeps excel spreadsheets with our monthly budget numbers lining up next to our monthly expenses, carefully attenuated to each and every receipt, and one of us has trouble remembering to take the receipt for the gas station out of our pocket at the end of the day. One of us thinks about the future, and one of us likes cute shoes.
Can you guess which financial partner I am?
From the very beginning, my husband insisted that, in addition to having a joint account, we also keep our own bank accounts. I, at the time mired in debt, student and otherwise, was shocked and deeply upset about this arrangement, thinking that somehow it made us less of a couple. I have since determined that it is at the very root of the success of our marriage.
I have always worked. Sometimes part-time, but even my part-time work has made me a fully financial contributing partner in our family's economic engine. This was not simply a choice; it was a necessity. We live in an extremely expensive region of the country, and neither one of us chose career paths that were going to lead to fame and fortune. As a journalist and a non-profit fundraiser, and as two people who wanted to live a comfortable life with small accoutrements and the ability to both feed and clothe our children and be somewhat philanthropic, without ever even really talking about it, we always knew that we would both work, despite the challenges of doing so while raising a family.
With both the power and the potential landmines that come with having my own financial life separate from our family's financial life, I have struggled over the years with some ill-advised spending and more than one shopping bag snuck into the house. I have decided that my husband, who has never, ever mentioned the number of shoes in my closet or the jewelry that hits my jewelry box after an overseas trip, is aware that I am spending differently than he is, but so long as our mutual financial goals are met, he is ok with it. I no longer feel guilty.
And in the end, I realize what a gift this is to me. Not only am a fully equal financial partner in our family's life, I also feel armed with the knowledge that my salary and my earnings are an integral part of who I am, and that I have control over my future as a result.
I am actually at a breakthrough point in my financial life. I am just a year away from paying off my car, which was the first brand new car I have ever purchased (and yes, that fell in the category of a personal expense, as did my husband's brand new car, so it evened out.) Also, for the first time in my adult life, I am credit card debt free (on my personal cards), an accomplishment achieved through extra hard client work and a bit of luck. We are in the process of preparing for the second bar/bat mitzvah in our family's life, and we can afford to celebrate in a modest way. And I have begun to put away (personal) retirement money again, after many years of deferring it to child care and other family-related costs.
I am taking control of my financial future.
This all comes as an enormous surprise and relief to me, for several months ago, our financial health didn't seem quite as rosy. Back in the winter, my husband's organization shut very suddenly and he found himself out of a job from one day to the next. While we were extraordinarily fortunate that he found a new job within two months, we were both keenly aware that his unemployment, in this economy, could have stretched out for an extended period, leaving our once comfortable middle class family struggling to pay the bills from one month to the next, overnight.
I was more rattled by this experience than I expected to be. I am grateful that we rebounded quickly, but I am keenly aware that any of us can be moving towards the financial edge in a heartbeat. As I think about my own future, and the fact that I have not been saving for retirement as assiduously as I should have been over the 16 years I have been raising my children, I have started to get a little queasy. I am also thinking about my profession and the new economy, and how and whether I will be employable for as long as I would like.
My generation – the tail end of the baby boomers, which is more of a bridge generation – will not be retiring early, if at all. Our government and the world economic crisis have seen to that but good. We must figure out how to take care of ourselves well into older age. This is a new paradigm, and one that our generation will have to learn as we go.
In the meantime, we have college bills looming in a couple of years. And we need to continue to clothe and feed two more children at home and then pay for their college for another decade plus. We would love to start to travel a little more. We want to save for retirement (or its equivalent.) We have parties to plan, ice cream to eat and ever new and changing gadgets to purchase.
I am deeply appreciative of the riches of our lives. When my children and I watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and my daughter whines that she wants the pretty bedroom that the child of the week is getting and my teenage son reprimands her and tells her that these shows are for people who are in real need, I breathe a deep sigh of relief.
I love to work and earn my own money. I love to have a family economic plan, overseen by the more financially savvy member of the family. We will figure out how to pay for college, how to save more for retirement , how to live our lives as comfortably as possible. We are blessed.
And one more pair of cute shoes pales in comparison.
Photo by Molly DG via Flickr
Right there with you. One thing you don't mention is that while we may need to work, companies may not need or want to employ us. As we age and technology and skillsets morph, we older folks must keep up or risk being edged out. It is likely different in non-profit where traditional methods for fundraising and communications still work. I worry a lot about this -- where will I be when I'm 50? Will a major corporation still want me on their payroll?
Posted by: Rachel (your sister) | Thursday, August 04, 2011 at 06:46 PM