A Working Mom's End-Of-Year Frenzy

Work Wednesday

It's June. The end of the school year. Which means that over the next 8 days or so, my first-grader will attend the following events: the Daisy Girl Scout's mother-daughter ice cream social, a first grade "Beach Party," a "Budding Authors" celebration, an end-of-soccer-season ice cream celebration, and our after-care provider's splash party/BBQ. That's on top of a birthday party, camp orientation, and the bounty of end-of-the-year activities we've already checked off.

Most of these events require some sort of parental participation. Some call for purchasing and hauling food and/or supplies. Others involve extensive but unnecessary outfitting.  (The packing list for the "Beach Party" includes "3 of your favorite books, a beach towel, a water bottle, a bathing suit (optional), and sunscreen" but cautions that "we won't be playing in the water.") 

Still others request the pleasure of my company. Often, but not always, smack in the middle of my work day. Thankfully, my son's pre-school caters to working parents so his pre-K graduation/Michael Jackson tribute show - a true one-of-a-kind event - is scheduled for the early evening.
 
I was trying to figure out how to handle all this, when I came across Lisa Belkin's Motherlode blog about The End-of-School-Year Scramble.  She featured a column from a writer (who just happens to live in the next town from mine) lamenting the pre-summer scene, a "mad vortex of celebration and arm-twisting. I mean, volunteerism." (The quote is from the underlying article by Maura Mahoney, which you can find here.)

 
Reading the article, I felt a flash, no, stab of recognition. That's not too surprising, as Mahoney and I are part of the same school system and live in nearly identical communities. I was, however, startled by how rampant this end-of-year trend has become. At least, for the Motherlode demographic. As many readers pointed out, this end-of-year celebratory abundance is not a problem in poor, under-resourced schools. One teacher (comment #31) wrote: "I work at a low-income elementary school and my students have one year-end party - thrown and organized by me."

I was also struck by the number of readers who feel, strongly, that the plethora of parties and celebrations is, indeed, out of control. Many observed that the constant parade of events diminished the importance of true milestones.  Some advocated limiting or skipping events, and even having their children miss them, too. A lot of working parents, mostly moms, decried the incursions on vacation and family time for totally trivial events. (Not for significant graduations or concerts, but for the "pancake breakfast because we finished our class book." See comment #52.) They (and many others, including stay-at-home moms) argued that parents should say "no thanks" and work with the schools (and other organizations) to scale back events.

But other readers promoted parental involvement, noting that the various occasions give parents and kids the opportunity to be part of the larger school community and create connections with each other. They pointed out how excited elementary school kids are to share their school life and their school environment with their parents. And how fleeting that impulse is!

I'm not sure what I think. My sympathies fall naturally with the working parents who rue the expectations and pressure of the end-of-year frenzy. A lot of it does seem pointless. I don't want to miss important meetings at work or blow all my leave on manufactured, meaningless parties.  (As it is, I work a reduced schedule, so my work time is precious.)

Still, I've enjoyed getting to know the teachers, other parents, and kids at my daughter's school, at her after-care program, and on her soccer team. I know that my daughter truly appreciated the time I took off from work to chaperone the first grade's recent field trip to a local theater. And, let's face it: Do I really want my daughter to be the only motherless kid at the "mother-daughter" ice-cream social?  (Fortunately, I was able to arrange my schedule so I can telework from home.) 

So far, I've improvised, choosing the events I do attend. I map out my work schedule, my husband's work schedule, and our other family committments to figure out coverage for worthy events. And, frankly, I miss some of them. Seems like a strategy that might work going forward although I'm concerned that the second kid entering kindgergarten will throw me off-balance. What do you think? Do you find the close of school activities excessive or celebratory? How do you handle the end-of-year frenzy?

Photo by spablab via Flickr.com.

Comments

[Julie]

So interesting, Stacy. We only have two end-of-year events: an end-of-year Daisy pool party and a school-wide end-of-year picnic. So - no big crush of activities.

[Karen]

Oh, I feel your pain, Stacy!! Every class, every team, every extracurricular activity, has a party, a celebration, a recital, a final game with pizza that can't be missed. Fortunately, teens seem to be much more interested in their own celebrations, sans parents, so that's one down for me. But there's still a lot of celebrating to do. And I think your point is well taken - if you celebrate every little thing, does that somehow diminish the larger and more deserved celebrations?

I'm struck by the argument that all this end-of-year togetherness fosters community, but I don't quite buy it. I think rather it fosters hysteria and an overburdened schedule - the last thing that is nurturing to community.

Ironically enough, in my community, everyone heads for the pool when the school year is over (and long before that, in a year like this with 100+ temps before school's out), and so our community, rather than disbanding at the end of the academic year, is merely re-situated. We plop down our towels, watch the kids go off the diving board, and continue our conversations about teachers, curriculum, and other kid-related miscellany.

The age-old issue of how much of this is scheduled so that it's even more of a burden to working parents never seems to get resolved. I feel like all three school listserves that I'm on have nothing but "WE NEED YOU" messages from April - June. I respect and appreciate the folks who give their time and energy to all these endeavors, especially the ones that support the teachers (PLEASE BRING SNACKS FOR THE TEACHER'S FINAL STAFF MEETING TOMORROW!) but even as a mom working from home, I cannot and do not want to carve out my minimal free time to assist with these items on any regular basis. I go back to the advice that some working mom gave me when I first had school aged children - do something they will see and feel. I'd rather take those precious minutes and use them to take my kids out for a surprise ice cream cone or take a drive to the pool.

[florence]

Very informative article. You have both insight as well as courage to say the right thing in a proper manner

[Dawn]

My oldest is in college and my youngest is going into high school in the fall....as they get older things definitely calm down, not all the parties, celebrations, teachers gifts (that have you also in a frenzy, especially in this day and age where even in elementary school they have more then one teacher)....I can honestly say that I do not miss all the craziness at the end of the year! When they were small I thought I would be devastated but guess what? I am not!!! Don't know if it's because I am older, because I did it for so long and so much...but as I am older I do realize that it's okay to cut back, say no to stuff or not attend everything...even the kids are fine with it!