The Award for All-Around, Superior, Terrific Excellence

Truth Thursday

As a coda to yesterday's post by my CM colleague, Stacy, on the swirling madness of end-of-year activities, I thought I would comment on the awards ceremony I attended last night for my middle schooler. It was held in our local high school's cafeteria, because the middle school didn't have sufficient room for every child who was receiving recognition for a job well done plus two guests.

Out of a student body of a little over 800, there were 569 awards given last night.

There were awards for being on honor roll for three of the four quarters (that was my daughter's award.) There were departmental awards, one for each grade in each department. There were Distinguished Academic Achievement Awards, for having all A's in the first three quarters of the year. There were Most Improved Student Awards. There were African American Festival Achievement Awards. There were awards for achievement in activities outside of school.  And the most impressive of all – there were 16 students who received the equivalent of the Academic All-Star Award – they had received all A's during their entire middle school career.

Applause, please.

Now, I don't want to diminish the feeling of accomplishment that these awards and this ceremony engendered. A lot of kids, squirreled off in corners with their friends because they couldn't possibly be seen sitting with their parents (embarrassing!!) were hooting and hollering for each other, an outpouring of support which kept getting squelched by the teachers and administrators but which I kind of liked – nice that they could cheer each other on for being smart and accomplished (never would have happened when I was in middle school – I was too busy trying to hide the fact that I was smart in order to asked to go to the mall with the cool kids.)

And even though this is a magnet school with an inordinate percentage of high flying students (there was one kid up for that all A's award that you just knew was the next Bill Gates) there were certainly plenty of kids for whom this was a really big deal and in the eyes of their families, this was an important achievement.

But I have to admit, I'm a bit jaded on the awards ceremony as a staple of my kids' school year. It started with my oldest son, who won the Dolphin Award in second grade for his all around excellence in school. Then in the second half of elementary school, when my kids actually moved into the "big" school, there have been award ceremonies three or four times a year, separated by grade, and by the end of the year, every kid has won at least one award.

And parents are invited and expected to attend these award ceremonies, held in the middle of the school day. If you are a working parent (as many of us are) and you happen to have a kid who wins awards several times a year, this can add up to a lot of leave time.

When my oldest got his first award, I went to the ceremony and cheered. There was even a little party afterwards for all the Dolphin winners. I think I brought cupcakes. When my daughter was in upper elementary school, I attended every award ceremony in which she received a certificate – which added up to a lot of ceremonies over the three years. Now that my youngest is finishing up fourth grade, I am ashamed to admit that I don’t even know if he won an award this year – I have stopped paying much attention (and yes, we can add that to the list for the therapist.)

It's all just a little too much for me. I think that having so many awards and so many ceremonies over the course of a child's school years diminishes the true accomplishments. My kids work hard (although probably not as hard as they can) and their grades reflect their work. I think an award should reflect something more than their everyday homework and classwork – it should be something really special in which they can take pride.

Now, I agree that recognition is an important motivator. Think of the annual personnel reviews we all suffer through in our own work. It's good to know that your supervisor is paying attention,admiring that which you do well even while she is offering a critique on what you can improve. It's motivating to know that your work makes a difference and that someone is watching. I'm especially aware of this because as a consultant, you don't get a lot of positive reinforcement for your work, but I recently underwent the equivalent of a staff review and got a glowing report. It left me feeling wonderful and productive for days.

But too much recognition for things that aren't true accomplishments can backfire. You begin to expect your awards, rather than be pleasantly surprised by them. You assume that you are doing a great job because you got that certificate, when in fact, you're simply doing the work as assigned.

This question goes deeply into the heart of race, socio-economic class and gender in the classroom and in the school as well. It touches on first generation immigrant achievement vs. the achievement seen in privileged communities. Who am I say what is the right motivating factor for the tremendous cross-section of kids we see in our schools? My kids' schools are like mini-globes. The range of colors, religions, ethnicities and languages spoken at home is breathtaking.

So I realize that I can only speak for my little corner of the world. And in that corner, I kind of wish that there were fewer awards and more competition for them.

I am so darn proud of my kids I could burst. I spend a lot of energy each year trying to figure out the support they need from home in order to achieve and excel. They each have their strengths and their weaknesses when it comes to school and life (as do we all.) I have hopefully nurtured their self esteem over the years sufficiently so that they can find their place in the world.

I am their biggest cheerleader. Just please don't make me come to yet another awards ceremony to prove it.

 

Comments

[aimee stern]

I sat with your daughter and their posse of girls at the awards ceremony for awhile and it was wonderful to watch. Maybe I'm just a bit of a softy and yes there are many awards ceremonies, but they serve a purpose I never saw growing up. How many parents have the time or remember to tell their children that they did a great job on a project, or that they are proud of them for getting on honor roll, or just give positive feedback about school in general on a regular basis? We are all so busy. And what about households like mine that are only one working parent - how on earth can we be expected to remember and track all that's going on academically with our kids.

In our parents' generation, at least in my experience, no one was even paying attention as long as we didn't cut school or get in a fight or get suspended. My father and stepmother barely looked at report cards, let alone had any clue what I was doing in school. I've seen other parents today that follow that model exactly.

There's a ton of research that shows if you lose kids academically in middle school, you can lose them for good. So more power to our middle school for making a point of telling its students they've done a great job. I have a photo of all our girls that I'll send you. They were beaming. It may be hot and endless to sit through those ceremonies but praise from their teachers is immeasurable in what it does for their self-esteem. A couple nights a year in a hot gym to me is well worth it.

[Karen]

Aimee, thank you for reminding me of the wonder of it all for the kids. Yes, it was a very important evening for Talia (made even more so because the school actually neglected to send her her invite and I didn't know about it until two hours before the event when she was in hysterics because all of her friends were going and she was not - I had to call and get confirmation that she indeed, was receiving an award.) I did feel the enthusiasm of the kids, and thought that was absolutely the best part.

Like you, I had completely non-involved parents, school-wise, growing up (and my dad was a teacher!) - which I think was as much the culture of the time as parents who didn't care. And so I am always straddling my feeling that we have too much parent involvement today with a sense that I want to be there in a way that my parents were not. And with three kids, I am often caught in the same sandtrap you are - how can I possibly keep up with it all?

The irony is that yesterday, after this was posted, I received a note inviting me to my youngest's awards ceremony next week. Of course I will take time off from work and go - it would be crushing to him if I didn't. My payback for writing this.