Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn
This picture just does it for me: it's a perfect descriptor of how I've felt. Too many days, I've had so much to juggle and this pressure that it all has to be done NOW. I know I'm preaching to the choir about these feelings. The day can feel like a checklist--wake up, get dressed, dress kids, eat breakfast, carpool, go to work, pick up kids, entertain kids, make dinner, bedtime, talk to spouse, mom's bedtime. What a mechanized day!
Sometimes, it can seem like you are just waiting to get through an activity to get to the next one. And you've lost track of having done anything. Then there is this pull for "me time" but what gets compromised? Most likely time with your spouse.
It would be so fantastic to just step aside for a moment, while everything else goes as it should, and have space in a parallel place. In this place, I would be able to regenerate myself, without compromising time with my family, my job, or just doing trivial (but necessary) things. (Yes, trash needs to be taken out and laundry needs to happen too). I remember when I was pregnant with my first son, I was going to have this "maternity leave" which meant I could do so many special projects while the baby slept. I'd have all of this free time to get things done, like finishing that scrapbook or tackling the clutter. I was so unprepared for the additional clutter, the scrapbook that gathered dust, and the million other things that I barely had time for (showering regularly being amongst them). What happened to my fantasy of this "leave?"
I think it's like the fantasy we have of a vacation: we'll go somewhere all together, make a ton of memories, laugh the whole time, and love every minute of it. We don't plan on the stress of packing, keeping everyone happy, getting there, doing things, and then getting back on schedule when we rejoin "the real world." Without the renewal, one needs an additional vacation!
This post sounds more like a smathering of random ideas, but when I re-read it, I am noticing truly where it is coming from. I'm 7 weeks away from "maternity leave" when things will become more hectic. I'm trying to cram everything in before (thus feeling more like a crazy lady) as I know I just won't have time once the baby arrives. I have this idea that I can play with time in this way, but I know that isn't actually true. How do you play with time? Can you stretch it, slow it down, or speed it up?
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