Fatherhood Friday
I spent my entire life on the East Coast until getting married. We moved to the Midwest, where our first kid was born. A few years later we moved to Washington DC to get a little more urban living in - and where our second kid was born - before finally settling back in the Midwest.
When we got married, at ages 26 and 25, we were ahead of the curve by at least half a dozen years of our peer group on the East Coast. Yet, when we moved to the Midwest we were behind the curve by not having one kid and one on the way! A few years later when we moved back to DC we felt like we were even further ahead of the curve, younger than most of the other parents in our kids class by at least those same six years, and in many cases more than that.
But the biggest difference between the two regions has been the two-income vs. one-income family. In DC, it seemed that everyone we knew was part of a two-income family. Husband and wife both worked, and juggled the work life balance thing together.
In the Midwest, however, I am amazed at how many single income families there are in our peer group. At first I chalked it up to the fact that DC is such a highly educated town (i.e. highest percentage of college degrees and graduate degrees in the country) where driven, career-types seem to flock. But when I look past the general population and deeper at the peer groups we had in the Midwest, its really not that different - the women are generally well-educated and had success in their jobs and careers.
So then I figured the difference had to with cost of living - its so damn expensive in DC that you have to have a two-income family in order to make ends meet. And there's some truth to that; for example, when you compare similar housing stock in similar neighborhoods and similar proximity to the urban center, you will find that DC housing can be three to four times as expensive.
Maybe the noticeable decrease in two-income families in the Midwest has other factors - culture, choice, whatever. Whether its out of need or want the difference is undeniable. And its something that's been on the minds of my wife and I recently.
Not our choice (out of both necessity and want) for her to work full time, but the fact that she feels like a minority in that choice and is surrounded by friends and moms of kids' friends and schoolmates who don't work. She doesn't compare her decision to theirs - as far as we're concerned, everyone does what's right for their family - but its amazing the difference between the communities we've inhabited.
When working moms are the norm, the general culture is more sensitive to it. For example, childcare facilities stay open later and have many fewer days when they are closed. Group exercise classes that appeal to the working mom demographic are scheduled in the evening, early in the morning or on weekends. In the one-income dominant culture those classes seem to be at 11 a.m. or 2:00 p.m.
Ultimately what makes our ability to juggle family and jobs workable is flexibility. Flexibility with one another, flexibility of extended family to step up and flexible work environments. This last one is key. Because our bosses (mine is female, hers is male) have themselves achieved success in their personal and professional lives and understand the balance and flexibility that goes into it, they are quick to support our growth by offering that same flexibility.
And that may be one of the biggest differences between the East Coast and the Midwest. In DC, with the norm of two-income families and career-first mentalities there is a perennial expectation that men and women will work full time. In the Midwest we're in a much more exclusive club - almost a fraternity or sorority - where there's a greater inclination for two-income members to look out for one another.
(Photo Credit: http://www.painetworks.com/photos/gt/gt0002.JPG)
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