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Saturday, March 19, 2011



Thank you for taking the time to write about the book and your experience. I am the stepmom of a 16 year old girl and 14 year old boy whose mom left in the night with only a note stating she wanted to be on her own and proceeded to move 2 blocks away. She took the kids and while it destroyed by now husband-he found his way back to build a "new normal". In this case, the soul search did not yield what I suppose she was looking for as once we met, dated for 3 years and announced getting married she struck out on a journey to relocate to Argentina. A city she feels a soulful connection but has no contacts which offers the opportunity to fulfill some personal dream. We have been in the early stages of a court battle for her not to be able to take the children. All is difficult. I see the strain on the hearts of the children. I am a mother with a style like yours. I have two kids of my own the same ages who have a meal every night, clean rooms, clothes and rides to sports while working as a realtor to support them. She is artist and her proposed business in argentina is tango clothes. I spent the weekend with her daughter who for the first time has decided she will need to go. "The world has so much culture to offer. I want to see and do it all". I dont aspire for a nice house and cars-I want to travel. It kills me to see family redefined in this manner. Watching the author speak on the book made me sick. i would love to read it but I would not give her royalties. When did it become ok to denounce responsability as the one who made the decision to have children to then abort the life and responsability that role demands. I see it as nothing but pure selfishness and now it is being openly discussed as ok in society? My children are my reason for getting up and doing all that I do. I had a different before them and will have a completely new life afterthem but for now-they are my life as minors need Moms to be. I hope and wish young professional women accept that they will never find real contentment by selling the souls of their children for a little space to breath.


This is a truly wonderful post. You have woven your personal story with the unsettling and sad events in Japan together in a way that truly moved me. Thank you.

Shiro K.

I'm sorry, but i find your attempts to parallel the suffering of the people aat Hiroshima with the suffering of a woman going through a mid-life crisis to be in very poor taste, and awfully ham-fisted from a writing perspective.

"So a nuclear blast of a smaller kind dropped into that family's heart" and "The scars have closed up over time, and healed to some degree, but much like the burned, keloid skin of the hibakusha that Rizzuto describes." all very sensationalist, with a high degree of self-entitlement as well. Rather ridiculous.

Wow I find so much about this situation close to home as I am the Step Mother to two children who did exactly the same thing! She travels freely for months at a time to various countries and has now decided she should relocate to Buenos Aires as she enjoys art and tango dancing. She has held us hostage quite literally for the last year for us to continue to pay her child support so she can relocate and they come visit. What I will offer is this--I have two biological children the exact same ages. Her children love me but ALSO love their Mom. Their feelings of abandonment ARE REAL PERIOD-I watch them daily. Kids have natural coping skills but nothing about this is right. When you arent there when they graduate even if its the 8th grade, that matters because those are big deals in their minds and hearts. The tear on their souls is stressfull and they feel there is some reason they arent good enough. The 16 year old girl has had her run ins with multiple drugs and I believe it has effected her self worth, She is much better now but her main concern is simple-is her mother happy?! Why is this role reversal being considered acceptable for mainstream mentality? If you have children, they come first or dont have them, My Mother had 10 children, I told this story at her funeral. We went shopping for school clothes in the 7th grade. Everything was perfect that I tried on that day. She made me feel special. I asked her driving home why she didnt buy anything for herself. She simply stated that she didnt so that I could and one day she hoped I would make the same choices. Not all Mothers put their children first Amy. I do so that you will. She was married to a Doctor. She was also an only child. She was SO BLESSED later in life with 34 grandchildren, an outstanding family and so much love!!! She had tons of time to travel and went to Europe 48 times in her life but not while she was raising us! There is a time and place for everything and if you dont put your kids first you are teaching them to do the same. I dont know many fulfilled people who got there without sacrifice and being selfish. I would like to read her book but refuse to pay royalties to this mindset because I believe it hurts childrens hearts. If her children turn out well and I hope and very much believe they may it will not be because of her choices. If her children put kids first, it will be because she didnt but all kids need and should love their mother. Thats why putting them in a position of being behind your own needs is so wrong. My advice, be happy where you are when you are in that space and time in life. There is plenty of time to write books, travel etc. but when your kids need a mom please be there. I hope for my step children they get a chance to see a different way of approaching things and a person who doesnt speak negatively about their mom. They call me the woman in the Blindside Movie. I think its because I meet their needs, clothes, homework daily not when it fits my schedule and I hold high standards. No messy rooms, work hard, achieve and love your family!

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