Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn
This picture speaks to the goal of Valentine's Day: whether it be marriage or a commitment, the idea of a happily ever after. And apparently, we need a yearly reminder (apart from birthdays and anniversaries) since we don't get the picture. We have prescribed ways of demonstrating this affection: candy, flowers, or a romantic dinner.
That’s the problem with Valentine's Day is that it lacks all spontaneity. It makes demonstrating love planned with a simple checklist. It also locks us into the gender roles that so many people try to eschew all year. Why is it that the male has to make over the top romantic gestures? Women will spend an average of $75 on this day, while men spend an average of $158. The wallet doesn't lie.
There is also the idea that love can be expressed by gifts, rather than by actions. Cards create the ideas and words that part of the pair can't express, or perhaps might be too lazy to consider.
Don't get me wrong, I like the idea of a day where I am special and reminded of that. But somehow, that notion loses its luster when most every other woman in this country is reminded of that...ON THE SAME DAY.
What is a couple to do?
-Pick another day. Any day, but February 14th, and claim that as a special love day.
-Divide up who will do what on that day (perhaps one partner chooses a meal and the other partner chooses an activity). This alleviates pressure on half of the pair to make it the "perfect day."
-Do daily little things: a text message saying I love you, the casual link to a funny article, a long kiss--"just because."
-Back up words with actions: figure out what your partner might need (try asking!) and then follow through
Everyone wants to feel special and loved...the calendar doesn't have to dictate when that occurs.
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