Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: DCJohn
Many thoughts and stories have been shared about the events of just over a week ago in Tuscon. Parallels have been made in terms of how far we are from realizing the late Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's dream. While it's not a new slant, I wanted to look more into a commonality between Tuscon and Dr. King. The idea of parenting.
As parents, we can only strive to do our best. Ideally, the day to day operations of being a parents fizzle out when our children turn 18, which is when they culturally are expected to leave the nest. It is our hope that by this time, we have given them enough tools to handle life outside of the parental home. Again, in American society, we have created a transition ground called college. This is a place where our "adultolescents" can flex their muscles and still make mistakes, within limits. Responsibility is increased, as are expectations, but a safety net is also provided.
Some burgeoning adults flourish on their own, needing space and freedom to truly explore who they are and who they want to become. For some other emerging adults, the freedom and lack of structure prove to be too much. This might be because of immaturity (needing some more time) or a host of other factors. And still for others, who yearn to fly, are stuck at home because of circumstances. Perhaps financial, perhaps obligations hold them back, or other issues. This last category can be the most difficult.
When adolescents need to remain at home, roles continue to be blurred. How are you supposed to figure out who you are when Mom and Dad continue to enforce rules that you abided by since you were 14? For parents, it is also confusing. Since activities can be seen, it's hard to cut those apron strings. Whereas, if a son or daughter is away at school, a parent can claim ignorance being bliss. Out of sight certainly helps to diminish the worry.
With this category, a parent's job isn't over. So what happens when that emerging adult becomes a legal adult? How much is a parent responsible for? How involved should/could they be? Certainly, Jared Loughner's parents wondered this.
In some ways, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr served as a parent figure to our country, in its adolescence. It seems this is a phase of development that we struggle to emerge from. Humans learn by doing. And failing. It seems that through the many failures that have been made since 1968, we are still having difficulties learning their lessons. We are quick to judge and react. We want to blame and cast out. The teachings and practices of peace and understanding seem to be lost. There are moments when we can seemingly reclaim them as a nation, but those times seem to be fleeting. In the wake of Tuscon, the best and worst has come out from our population. Open arms from a grieving community of mourners are on one side, and pundits declaring cause are on the other.
So what can we do? We can't control others. We can control our own selves. We can examine how we think, why we judge, and whether that helps. Small steps can lead to large changes.
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