My Work-Vacation to Paris Redux

Work Wednesday

Note: This post originally appeared on CurrentMom.com on April 8, 2009. I've updated it following another "work-vacation" to Paris last week and incorporated some new information about working moms in France. If you scroll to the bottom, there's a postscript. The picture (capturing a rare moment of sun in Paris last week) is new, too.

During a trip to Paris last week for an international meeting, I ran into two colleagues in the women's room, both French, discussing the favorite topic of working moms everywhere - the difficulty of achieving work- life balance – l'équilibre entre le travail et la vie personnelle. They complained about being tired. Very tired. Especially because the preparations for the meetings and the long days at the conference meant that they were struggling with their responsibilities at home. 

I was perplexed at first. Tired despite 16 weeks of paid maternity leave, extensive governmental support for childcare, shorter working hours, longer vacations, and [this is new] state-paid perineal therapy following childbirth? Unfortunately, I guess, all that doesn't make up for the fact that most French women, like most American women, are primarily responsible for the domestic work of la vie familiale. In fact, according to the World Economic Forum's 2010 global gender gap report, which ranked France 46th this year (behind the United States at 19), French women earn 26 percent less than men but spend twice as much time on domestic tasks. (I should note, though, that last year, France was 18 in the WEF rankings, and that the loss of 28 places was due mainly to the departure of several high-profile women from political positions.)  France's own national statistics office provides more insight: Women spend on average five hours and one minute per day on childcare and domestic tasks, while men spend two hours and seven minutes. (The International Herald Tribune's look at the lives of French working moms, which contains these fascinating facts, is here.)

Anyway, my colleagues are French so even though they complained about being tired, they still looked far more fashionable and coordinated than I did.  And, of course, thinner.  (In this respect only, they resembled France's [former]Justice Minister, Rachida Dati, who sparked a furor in France earlier this year by, as NPR reported, returning to her job in a "sleek velvet suit and stiletto heels" only five days after giving birth.) On the other hand, I, oddly, was not as fatigued as I usually am even though I had barely slept on the flight over.

I had arrived the day before the meeting started, taken a long walk through a beautiful Parisian neighborhood sans stroller, and enjoyed a grownup exhibit on "Le Siècle du Jazz" at a non-child-centered museum.  At night, I ate a leisurely dinner with wine and without any breaks for spills, potty visits, or other minor emergencies. Best of all, I had a full night of uninterrupted sleep in a quiet hotel room with crisp white linens!  And the next day, I had the luxury of focusing only on my work.

Reflecting on this, I recalled an article I read several years ago in The New York Times about the "guilty pleasure of the traveling working mom."  After interviewing a number of women, the author summed up the situation for working moms on the road:

After slogging through airports, sitting through PowerPoints and networking through lunches, there is, at the end of the day, a small taste of freedom. And as hard as it can be to balance the demands of business trips and family life, for the relatively small group of employed mothers who travel, it can be delicious.

 No chores to tackle. No homework to oversee. No bedtimes to bird-dog. For many working mothers, business trips become mini-vacations. The simple pleasure of unbroken sleep and an uninterrupted meal can feel like an indulgent getaway for these women burdened at both ends. But throw in a massage or a leisurely dinner with an old friend, which they often do, and for the parent of a toddler, preschooler or 'tween, it becomes a true holiday.

At the time, the author's allusion to a "small taste of freedom" resonated with me. I had just returned from my first road trip to Paris six months after the birth of my second child and just days after I went back to work from maternity leave. 

Now, I will tell you that trip was not easy. I was still in shock from returning to work and adjusting to a new regimen of balancing my professional duties and the demands of two kids. I was also still breastfeeding my son. Terrified about depleting my milk supply, I pumped like a maniac around the clock – on the plane, in the bathroom (thank goodness for the very private European closet-like stall), and even in the Musee d'Orsay! (In fact, I joked that I was going to write a guide to "Pumping in Paris.") But I remember how pleasurable it felt at the end of a full work day to be alone and off mommy duty for the first time in a long time.  Especially, when I climbed into bed with a stack of French fashion mags and some chocolates from Christian Constant.          

Of course, delightful as these stolen moments are, they don't keep me from missing my kids (and my husband) when I travel. I speak to them every day, email with my husband about their daily developments, chat about them with my colleagues, scour the shops for special kid-friendly souvenirs, and look at their pictures a million times a day (at least) on my Blackberry. And I do feel some guilt that I'm on holiday from the second shift while my husband is doing all the care and feeding of our family by himself. Now that our kids are older, and their lives (and our schedules) are more complicated, in some ways it's harder for my husband to handle all their conflicting obligations by himself. But my guilty pleasures on the road mean that, even when the travel is tough and my professional obligations are intense, I return recharged, restored, and ready to resume the challenges of being a productive professional and a devoted and loving parent.

* * * * *

Postscript: Whenever I'm away on travel, I experience the duality of roles and emotions described in this blog post from over a year ago. Just last week, I was in Paris again for an international meeting.  I worked late the week before the meeting to get ready and spent most of my time there working in a windowless conference room.  But I did have the chance to meet up with friends for some delicious meals and I enjoyed some great conversations with my international colleagues -- especially my fellow global working moms.  I even braved the cold, rain, and crowds to see the magical Monet blockbuster at the Grand Palais one evening after my meetings concluded.  It was easy to fall into the lifestyle of a child-free adult. 

On the other hand, while I was en route, my daughter spiked a fever and I was on my Blackberry canceling playdates and rearranging my family's schedule. (It was the least I could do to help out my husband, who was stuck with sick duty.) Even though she mended quickly, I couldn't help feeling guilty and sorry for my husband, who had endured my extended absence last spring due to the eruption of Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano and another cranky, feverish kid, that time, our son. 

This time, though, I made it home on time and was greeted at the airport by husband and kids who were off work and school for the Veteran's Day holiday.  I hugged them and slipped right back into my mommy role, tired from travel, but refreshed by my latest work-vacation. 

Comments

[Katherine]

Your poor husband! I wonder if there's some scientific explanation between the correlation of your children's fevers and work travel. Maybe being far from mommy makes the immune system weaker?

Naaah, that's an explanation that feeds mommy guilt. Much more likely that it's random anomaly. And glad you had a good trip. Love the picture!

[Karen]

Work trips are always mini-vacations of a sort. Mine come way too infrequently, and are never to Paris!!