Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: DCJohn
Thanksgiving is two days away. It's a time when we can engage in one of the seven deadly sins, gluttony, without the guilt. It's like a free pass. It's also a stressful time of year. You are either travelling to get somewhere, preparing a meal, or preparing to eat. For us, we prepare to eat. We start at my in-laws at lunch and eat. We then continue at my parents house and eat some more.
Thanksgiving is a time for reflection. Certainly the title speaks to that: we think about all that we are grateful for. Family, food, friends are common themes. For me, I'm grateful for health. On its face, not a strange thing to express gratitude about. I'm indebted for my mental health. November 28th marks the one-year anniversary of the most nightmare-ish day of my life, which capped off a week of hell previous to it. It was the day that I had to deliver a child that would not survive. It was both a birthday and a death day, a few hours later.
So I come upon this year's Thanksgiving with some trepidation. For me, like for many, this holiday is a reminder of what is lost. Loved ones that are no longer able to share in the feast (whether they are dead or estranged). It can be a holiday of "what-ifs". My intention is to somehow mark this anniversary. It's certainly not one that I come to with any amount of excitement. In fact, it's almost a "Kickoff" to 5 difficult weeks. At the end of December, I will mark the one year anniversary of the due date of a child I miscarried last year. The beginning of January marks the due date for the daughter I will never know, as she and her brother are in a much better place together. (At least, that is my hope).
I will enjoy passing the turkey, the stuffing, and the trimmings. I will relish the desserts of the holiday. But as I eat, I know that the hole in my heart will not be filled with food. It will remain a reminder of what cannot be. And hopefully, it can serve as a bookmark for what is yet to unfold.
A short and powerful post, as yours often are, Julie. I wish you strength through this season of sad memories, and hope that you create new, joyful ones.
Posted by: Katherine | Tuesday, November 23, 2010 at 07:28 AM
Julie, I think you have already found an important way to mark this sad anniversary by sharing your reflections with us. Thank you for this truly moving memorial.
Posted by: stacy | Tuesday, November 23, 2010 at 08:36 PM