Carpool Klutz

Sharing Saturday

I have been the carpool parent from hell this fall. First, in trying to work out a weekly ride to and from soccer practice for my younger son with a neighbor just a couple of blocks away, I was unable to drive four of the six times I was supposed to.

On the fifth week, I completely forgot about it soccer practice altogether, even after I had emailed the  mom earlier in the day to let her know I would be coming 15 minutes early. So I promised to drive BOTH ways the following week, and then realized the next day that I wouldn’t be able to drive at all.

Then earlier this week I committed the mother of all carpool faux pas. I have an arrangement with another mom whose daughter attends Hebrew school with my kids. She usually picks my kids up after school, but there were two nights that she wasn't going to be able to pick up. No problem, I told her – they happened to be the same two nights that I had a commitment which would allow me to pick the kids up, drop her daughter off and still get to my work meeting.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

So I picked her daughter up on Tuesday and brought her to the house I was supposed to bring her to. Except that I wasn't supposed to do that until next week. I should have realized this when her daughter seemed rather shocked to have me come get her after school. So imagine the look of surprise on the faces of the family when I arrived at their door, breathless and in a rush to get to my meeting, with my neighbor's daughter.

Luckily, it all worked out. I dropped the girl off at home with my kids, and while I scrambled off to my monthly nighttime client meeting, my husband scrambled to make dinner for all of them.  The mom was nonplussed – as a single mom, she saw this as a babysitting opportunity and asked my husband if it was ok if she did a few errands on her way home, so it all worked out.

But I was mortified and horrified.

As a mom of three kids who works out of the home and has a lot of work meetings at night and off hours, I rely heavily on my Village (the one that it takes to raise a child) to help get my kids where they need to be. I feel like I've perfected the art of being in two places at the same time, but not three. So my kids' friends' moms and I all have a tacit agreement – help out whenever you can, because you never know when you'll need payback. It seems to work out.

But the funny thing about this contract is that you have to be able to rely on that help, and expect that they'll pick up and drop off when they say they will.

My track record up until now has been pretty good. Until this fall, when my work load seemed to increase, I've been a helpful carpooler when asked and go out of my way to help my friends and neighbors with afternoon play dates and shuttling. But somehow, as my kids seemed to be able to withstand a little more of me gone during the day, I have let my workload increase and my boundaries, heretofore impenetrable, open up a little. I'll work a little later, go to one extra meeting or event, take on an additional client.

These add-ons to my life manifest themselves in a more scrambled brain, a harder-to-manager calendar and a messy office. Each morning it's as if my desk looks up at me resentfully with its piles of papers, a reflection of my state of mind, and chastises me whenever I try to approach it. More often than not, rather than clean it off, I just take the laptop downstairs and work at the kitchen table. It's neater and a lot less recriminating than my office.

This state of affairs has led to me being the mom you DON'T want to call on for carpool.

So I need to recalibrate. I need to clear out my mind, clean up my calendar, and focus more intently on what's in front of me. I need to remember that the reason I work from home is so that I'm home with my kids in the afternoons, and am available to take them to activities and oversee what's happening in my house.

I love my work, and I enjoy the expansion I've been experiencing, but it's probably coming a few years too early. So I am going to try to go back to wearing two uniforms in a day – the professional with meetings and work and who tries to get things done during school hours, and the mom with snacks and carpool and guidance around homework and snuggles for my kids.

But of course there's also the third pillar – my life and interests – and I need to find the time to incorporate those as well.  Writing my blog. Writing a book. Reading a book. Exercise. Friendships. My husband. An occasional dinner that I haven't cooked. A movie night featuring someone other than Harry Potter. These are the things that keep me well oiled and able to perform the other tasks more happily and readily.

The work-family balance conundrum is too simplistic. It's really a tryptich that we need to be considering: work-family-life. I'm just waiting for a free moment to invent a scale that balances all three.

But first I have to get back in the carpool line.

 

Photo by CGoulao via Flickr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

[Katherine]

Love this post! I actually have had the opposite scenario this fall - my father just retired, so I have an extra set of hands for carpooling, school pickup, etc. At one point, I let him pick up so much of the slack (so I could work more) and my 4-year old started acting out. We're back in balance now, but it goes to show that mom is needed after all - as more than a chauffeur.

[Carol]

I'll never forget the time I forgot to bring one kid home in the carpool from pre-school. The mother called me frantically wondering where her child was. Oh, you mean the one I inadvertently left at pre-school but who was being lovingly cared for by his teachers until I went tearing back to get him? She never forgave me. Solution: count the days until your kids get their drivers' licenses and buy a third (used) car even though you vow every day that you will not "spoil" your kids by buying "them" a car. You'll worry constantly whenever they are driving and you'll remind them that this is for YOU and not for them. Sure.