The Top Three Things I Learned In [My Daughter's] Kindergarten: Lessons for Working Moms

Work Wednesday

The 90+ degree weather that heated our Memorial Day weekend here in the muggy metro-DC area is a sure sign that summer is, at least unofficially, right on schedule. And a cue that the school year is winding down.

Now, don't worry. I'm not going to unload my working mom seasonal guilt on you all over again. I'm over sentimentalizing the summers past of my childhood and onto savoring the smorgasbord of fun stuff planned for the present summer.

But now that the last day of school is exactly two weeks from today, I'm returning to a post from the beginning of the school year. About kindergarten. Kindergarten anxiety. Mine.

In retrospect, it's somewhat embarrassing to admit that I spent a lot of time during our vacation last August worrying about the shift from preschool to kindergarten. (Of course, it's all preserved on CurrentMom for you to read.) I knew my daughter would thrive but I was concerned about how I would do moving from a milieu (day care) geared toward working parents to an environment (elementary school) that isn't.

It turns out that I didn't need to obsess.  My daughter's had a wonderful year. She's made new friends, gained self-confidence, and learned about various reading strategies: meta-cognition, the "infer" strategy, and visualization. Really!

And I've been fine, too. Plus, I've learned some lessons about coping with kindergarten that should ease my transition to first grade. (My daughter, of course, will be fine. More than fine.) Here are my top three insights:

1. Avoid Assumptions.  Before the school year started, most of my anxiety centered on the fact that as a "less-than-full-time but not quite part-time" working mom, I'd be viewed as an anomaly by the group of stay-at-home moms that appeared to make up much of the school's parental community. I worried that I, and perhaps my daughter, would be criticized, judged, and excluded by these women and their daughters. So far that hasn't happened. (At least as far as I know.)

Moreover I've met a wide range of working moms. Some work full time. Others work part-time. Some are consultants. Others telework several days a week. And then there are work-at-home moms with entrepreneurial businesses. (I've also met dads with the same mix of work arrangements.) I've learned that I can't tell, most of the time, whether another mom works or not.  And more importantly, that (apart from scheduling after-school play dates) it doesn't really matter. At least not in kindergarten.

2. Volunteer Visibly. This is a key concept imparted to me by a mommy friend from my daughter's first day care. (It is closely related to the "Sign Up for Juice" principle I pioneered in preschool.) Don't volunteer (as some moms in my daughter's class do) to stuff folders, help with administrative functions, or perform any other behind-the-scenes job. Volunteer for tasks and events that allow teachers, staff, other parents, and kids to see you. This isn't as Machiavellian as it sounds. If you have limited time and need to use vacation hours, telework, or rearrange your work schedule to volunteer, then you should show up when it will matter most to your child. Like for the Halloween party or read-aloud day (coming up next week) or even Career Day. Or for big school-wide functions like the annual carnival or Field Day. You have a real chance of getting to know the kids, teachers, and other parents at these events and becoming part of the school community.

3.  Abandon Anxiety. This one is simple although more easily said than done. Just cut it out! Whatever worrying you've done up to now probably hasn't made a difference in your kid's basic development. Your rising kindergartener has presumably made it out of diapers, learned to spell her name, and eat with a fork. (Of course, your child, like mine, might consider this last one optional. I don't.) She will figure out kindergarten.

I've learned that its counterproductive to devote any of my working mom time-challenged life to fretting about kindergarten.  Case in point. I was worried about my daughter spending longer days at school in her (wonderful) aftercare program and felt panicked whenever I failed to pick her up precisely at 4:30, which I'm scheduled to do three days a week. For the past few months, however, my daughter's complained when I arrive on time each Monday because she doesn't want to miss the end of practice for the program's cheerleading club. (This has led me to wonder about a switched-at-birth scenario.) 

So, there you have my top three kindergarten lessons: Avoid Assumptions, Volunteer Visibly, and Abandon Anxiety. Of course, first grade starts in just a few months and who knows how the year will go . . . . But for now, it's time for summer!

Photo courtesy of woodleywonderworks via flickr.com

Comments

[Lyn]

Wait - Wasn't it just like a month or two ago you wrote the post about starting kindergarten? What? Who? Huh? HOW DID IT GET TO BE JUNE?!?!

[Karen]

Stacy, some wise neighborhood mom gave me the same advice many years ago. Volunteer when your kid can see you. It makes them SOO happy (just today, I was busy rubbing sanitizer on the mouthpieces of musical instruments for the 3rd grade instrumental petting zoo, and Noah was so excited to see me there.) The teachers also get to know that you're around that way, which gives you more of an in when you need it. Of course, teachers are now completely available via email,(which wasn't the case when my oldest trotted off to kindergarten,) so your relationship with them can be on many levels, much of it personal.

there are many moms (and dads) who generously give of themselves to the schools at levels I can only dream of (or have nightmares about.) Bless them. It's not what I can or want to do. But little bits here and there go a long way.

At any rate, as an old hand now at sending kids off to school,I can tell you that the kids absolutely thrive when we leave them alone and let them explore their worlds of school on their own.

So your advice is all spot on. First grade will be a cinch, for you and for her. But I'll need someone around with a tissue box in just 3 years when my oldest runs away to college ...

[Rachael]

Hi all,

It is natural to feel some anxiety about the transition from preschool to kinder. Please refer to my online resources and ebooks plus audios as a practical guide to motivate and communicate children to transition from one stage of school to another level. The ways to motivate children in the new classroom by teachers and parent helpers worked very well in our Australian schools - I hope this will be useful to you and your kids/students.
The power of positive language and NLP communication strategies have worked very well for my two children and their classmates when I conduct parent helping work in my kids' classrooms. Please check out for the ebooks and audios on http://www.motivateschoolkids.com

[Ellen]

Stacey -- I love your posts! As I've said before, you put into words exactly how I am feeling. Can you believe they are almost in first grade???

[Kristie]

So true. Especially the volunteer visibly. It means so much to the kids!