Therapy Tuesday
Photo By: Julie Bindeman 
I just read an incredible essay about Motherhood, which is a topic that Currentmom.com takes up exclusively (ok, fatherhood too!) The article (Motherhood is the New Oppression) is by Margaret Wente and makes a very valid point--in today's society of education women, we are chaining ourselves to an ideal of motherhood that our own mothers and grandmothers clamored to escape from.
I resonated from this article in two arenas: my personal and professional. Professionally, I see stressed out moms who feel it is a failure to just be "good enough" instead of perfect. With such impossible standards that are set both by the individual and perceived cultural expectations, its no wonder that the majority of today's moms feel as if they are falling short. The reality is, they are. But only because of the unrealistic bar that is set. DW Winnicott, a physician and later a psychoanalyst, wrote on this concept of the "good enough" mother.
Modern women in their quest for perfection basically eschew this concept,
as if a perfect childhood can be the golden ticket to a seamless adulthood.
The argument can be made that certain aspects of a childhood are important for future success. On that list is not certified organic everything, exclusively breastfed until 2 years of age, parents attuned and attending to every perceived need, and the proper pre-school. My list is made up somewhat of exaggerations, but it is incredible to me how closely these are becoming to reality.
The real enemy to our quest for maternal perfection lies within us. This is where I connect to Wente's article personally. I am guilty of that unobtainable ideal: have I wronged my child in a way that I haven't imagined because I did/failed to do something? That seems to give little credit to the autonomous individual who is my child, as the previous thought negates his own part in his life. My hope is that through my example and my love, I can give my son the tools he needs to learn how to be successful...whatever his version of that might look like. I seemed to come out OK with my "good enough" mother. (Despite sitting in the front seat before I was 65 pounds, being left alone with my sister prior to the age of 13, eating microwave meals on occasion, and generally learning how to fend for myself).
As I write this, I notice what I am eating for lunch...pasta with pasteurized cheese, watermelon, and water without taste added. This is all to protect the child growing within me from those harmful, invisible chemicals. It almost seems that I am my own worst enemy compared to any toxin on the face of the earth. For me, because of my own circumstances, the biggest obstacle is just to bring this child into the world. I'm sure that he or she will get along just fine upon arrival.