If you've had your fill of the firestorm set off by Sunday's New York Times style piece, Honey Don't Bother Mommy, I'm Too Busy Building My Brand, don't worry. Read on.
This is not another tirade against what many "mommy bloggers" have termed the Times' snarky, sexist, and patronizing coverage of women's "new media revolution." (If you do want to check out the criticism (some deserved, some not), you can read some thoughtful pieces by bloggers Mom-101, Pundit Mom, and Kelby Carr here, here, and here.
But it is a rant.
And it is about the article. But it's not about what the article said. Or implied.
It's about what it didn't say. Or cover.
It's about working moms. And their absence from the mainstream media. "Where are the working mommy-bloggers?" Not in the Times' article. And not in most other mom-focused articles.
The Times portrayed the world of mommy bloggers as populated almost exclusively by stay-at-home moms who want the "latest must-have skill set for the minivan crowd." And some "latte money."
It quotes a "former Los Angeles-based actress who now writes about being a stay-at-home mom . . . ." And it describes another mom who blogs "as a way to cope with her feelings of disorientation after trading in a career as a meeting planner for life as a stay-at-home mother." The Times also quotes another stay-at-home mom who jokes that her husband thinks her blogging is an "expensive hobby." (If I were a stay-at-home mom, I'd certainly be annoyed by the condescending tone of all of this.) It doesn't quote even one working mom blogger.
To be fair, the Times did acknowledge that some working moms blog, explaining that,"For many, the blogosphere functions as a modern-day kaffeeklatsch, a vital outlet for conversing and commiserating about day-to-day travails, especially at a time when many mothers raise their children far from family and friends, or work outside the home at 9-to-5 jobs."
But those 9-to-5 (or 7-to-3 or part-time) moms never appear in the piece.
Now, maybe, the participants at the blogging workshop were mainly stay-at-home-moms. I know many working moms, like me, try preserve as much weekend time as possible as family time. (At my kids' age, though, this is challenged by weekly birthday parties and playdate plans.) As a mom with a career outside the home, an all-day Saturday seminar (which, undoubtedly, would help me take this blog up a notch), doesn't fit in my schedule.
But I don't think that's it. I think the absence of professional women from the article speaks more to society's inability see working moms as mothers who are engaged in mothering. Or to see beyond the stereotype of the frazzled working mom who has no interests or thoughts beyond work deadlines and dinnertime. (How could she possibly work, parent, and blog? How could she think?) Or to concede that a working mom could actually blog about being a parent!
Just a few months ago, The Mama Bee blogged about the phenomenon of the invisible working mother. She observed that working moms were absent from mom-focused articles and blogs in publications like the Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, and The Boston Globe. Especially on topics like stroller recalls and family-friendly neighborhoods. The Mama Bee asserted that "Our absence in mainstream “mommy” articles contributes to a pervasive feeling of isolation among working mothers.
Of course, there's no isolation in the blogosphere. If anything, there's an abundance of company. There are hundreds of working mommy-bloggers. Blogging about their kids, their partners, their jobs, work-life balance, politics, books, culture, crafts, technology. And so on. There even are communities of working moms who blog on sites such as WorkItMom.com.
I know that I've recently found myself turning to a number of working mommy blogs to find fuller and franker discussions of the challenges I face in my life. And to find interesting analysis of all sorts of non-parenting issues.
CurrentMom will shortly roll out out a blog roll containing links to lots of working mom (as well as other) bloggers. Hopefully, the words of all these working mommy bloggers will make real working moms more visible to the media - and everyone else.
"Whistler's Mommy-Blogger" artwork courtesy of Mike Licht, NotionsCapitol.com via Flickr.com.
Great point - and something I thought when I read the NY Times article too. Well put! I've been on both sides - I worked full-time out of the house when I began blogging and then was laid off in 2008 and am still unemployed. Many of the blogs that I still read and the blogging friends I've made are other 'working' moms since we all seemed to have more in common back when we all first started off blogging. :)
Posted by: Deb - Mom of 3 Girls | Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 01:30 PM
I think the absence of working mothers in this and other such articles is a matter of practicality rather than discrimination. In this case, these moms spent money to get together and learn about how they could make money with blogs. It would make sense that most -- though probably not all -- in such a group would not be working 9-5 jobs. If they were, they wouldn't be likely to need or have time to invest in making money from home with a blog, right?
As far as getting quotes from moms for other parenting stories, most reporters work during the weekdays. If they're going to get quotes and photos of parents, they're going to go somewhere where they see parents and kids spending time during the day. Journalism is a time-pressed biz, and you're going to have a lot better luck getting multiple mom quotes if you hit a playground (likely populated by stay-at-home moms and nannies) than if you go to a random office or lunch restaurant and ask, "Anyone here have kids at home?"
Keep in mind that a lot of journalists that write about these issues are themselves working moms. I wrote about this stuff both as a full-time reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle and later as a stay-at-home-mom/occasional freelancer.
Posted by: Carrie | Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 06:19 PM
Carrie, are you suggesting that it's simply too hard for reporters who cover "moms" to do a more balanced, fair, and accurate job and get quotes from working moms (who, I believe, are the majority of moms)?
Last I checked most reporters, and most working moms, have phones and email addresses.
Posted by: Lyn | Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 07:55 PM
Could it be that SAHM bloggers might be more "interesting" in the mainstream media because they appear to be more self-indulgent, rather than WOHM bloggers, who are trying to cope more with day-to-day reality?
Posted by: Elena | Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 08:55 PM
As a mom of two who has always worked outside the home (and usually more like 7am to 7pm type work), I have found most articles written about moms failed to speak to me. When they did tackle the working mom topic, they focused on how working moms are constantly questioning that and struggling to find balance. I have never questioned my career nor struggled in major ways to find balance (I just accept there is no such thing as perfect balance!) I recently switched from a senior level corporate job to launching my own business and find that articles on mom entrepreneurs also tend to miss the mark (or at least don't speak to me.) I did not start my business so I could spend more time with the kids or take an offramp from the corporate world. I raised real angel money and have employees...no different than any man running a start-up. Anyway, good read!
Eden Godsoe
CEO/Co-Founder
www.skinnyscoop.com
Posted by: Eden Godsoe | Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 09:37 PM
Excellent point about the article and it's lack of focus on the working mom aspect and absence of that in general in the media, other than to write about Mommy Wars and the elusive "work/life balance." I'm not sure why the piece assumed that none of those in attendance weren't working moms. As a matter of fact, several of the women who were quoted in the article ARE working moms -- they are making very nice livings with their online presences and businesses.
But you've hit the nail on the head about this phenomenon, and it's not just the media. My work is freelance writing and new media strategic consulting. I do it from my home office. Many at my daughter's school just assume I don't have a "real" paying job, because my office is at home and I'm the one doing drop-off and pick-up. Often, they don't see me as a working mother, because I don't fit the mold that we think of when we envision working mothers.
And thanks so much for the link love!
Posted by: Joanne Bamberger aka PunditMom | Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 10:08 AM
I agree with Eden above... Working moms are either neglected entirely or painted as women who really want to be SAHMs but can't, or who at least feel guilty that they aren't.
What about coverage of women who are both workers and mamas, with equal passion for each?
Personally, I think it's at least partially related to sexism and the inability to see women as multi-dimensional creatures with their own thoughts, needs and desires. Maybe a woman who doesn't want to ONLY be at home doing full time care for her children, but would rather embrace both the mother role and the worker role is harder to conceive and talk about?
Posted by: Amanda | Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 10:32 AM
As a WAHM (often as a freelance journalist), I find virtually nothing that's reflective of the issues and complications of this kind of work/personal life anywhere but blogs.
Posted by: Tracy | Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 11:05 AM
You are absolutely right. To be honest, I don't know how working moms do it. I was incapable of that particular balancing act. I have nothing but admiration for those moms who work full time outside the home. It's HARD. And I agree with those how point out that this is just another aspect of our society's inability to fully "see" women who happen to be mothers.
Posted by: Donna | Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 11:38 AM
I think the contributions and participation of both Office Working Mommy Bloggers (vs WAHM or SAHM) and also Older Mommy Bloggers are often overlooked or marginalized.
I find that doing the work I love makes me a better Mom for when I am with my children - even if that's limited during the week because of office hours. I'm glad I get to share that time with them - and share it with others in my blog.
Posted by: Mommydrives | Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 05:31 PM