At Dad's Leisure

Fatherhood Friday

I was, as usual, struck by my friend Stacy's post the other day about moms and leisure. I would venture to say that most dads who place a premium on work-life balance and family time would agree whole heartedly that I could substitute "dad" for "mom" throughout the post and they'd feel much as Stacy does. Leisure is indeed elusive - both as a concept and as a reality.

But what I find especially thought-provoking are some of the comments to the posting, especially Tara's point that she feels her leisure time is "contaminated by a sense that (she) "should" be doing something else". For the longest time, I've felt exactly that same sensation - almost feeling guilty when time isn't used productively, knowing that my to-do list has not been dented (even if I created most of the items on that list). 

I think this is a by-product of our culture's zest for multi-tasking. At work, at home, wherever, we tend to take pride in our ability to do multiple things at once. And we've probably adjusted ourselves so we can do those multiple things adequately, but at the cost of rarely fully embracing those activities.

So, like Tara, I agree that the solution is to learn to live each day more in the moment. If anybody has suggestions about how to move closer to that reality, I'd really appreciate hearing them. I've struggled with it for as long as I can remember and, ironically, find that the closest I've come to succeeding at it is when I'm busiest. 

There is, however, one leisure activity that I've done a decent job of being in the moment and that is vacation. Perhaps because I'm physically separated from my normal environment, I'm also able to mentally and virtually separate and thus appreciate the moment. And last week I had a great family vacation.

We went to Florida for a week. The first half was spent with my closest friend since I was 8 years old and his family. His wife is one of my wife's college friends; they met at our wedding. Besides being very conscious of an extraordinary friendship that has evolved through multiple life stages, it was really special seeing our boys playing together. It was almost like a snapshot in time, looking back at ourselves; I'll bet if our own mothers looked at the pictures of our boys playing they would swear it was us 30 years ago.

My family then went to the other side of the state to visit my 85-year-old grandmother in the hospital. She is my last remaining grandparent (and my kids' only great-grandparent); a truly extraordinary woman whose mind is as sharp as ever but whose physical health seemed to be quickly deteriorating. Seeing her light up as she got to spend time with her 10-month old and 6-year old great-grandsons was priceless for me. And healing for her too, apparently, as she got out of the hospital soon after they visited her.

So while I still struggle with living daily life in the moment and enjoying my leisure time, a well lived vacation served to give me some perspective, great memories and enough relaxation that two days later I'm still not feeling guilty for enjoying it!

(photo taken by TNHGuy)

Comments

[Katherine]

Aw, what a sweet picture of the two boys in the surf! Isn't it funny how it sometimes takes a physical trip to get that guilt-free down time? There's something about being away from the household (with its chores) and the workplace (with the to-do list) that is hard to duplicate at home.

Maybe what we need to do is plan mini-vacations during the workaday week so that we have a breather. We try to make Friday night a family dinner with nothing to do but be together and relax - and once the kids are in bed, my husband and I have some uncluttered, guilt-free adult time.

[Stacy]

Terrific post! I agree that vacation is perfect leisure time, but only if you really let it be vacation and not let everything else from normal life intrude. I'm ready for the next one!

[Chiropractic Marketing]

Leisure means the time when a man has nothing to do. Leisure is necessary to lead a healthy and happy life. It enables us to recover our lost freshness and energy. It affords an opportunity to escape from the hard reality of life and enjoy this fine world.