The Holiday Season: When the Stuff Hits the Fan

Family Friday

Every day of the school year, my five-year-old daughter hauls home between five and fifteen pieces of paper.  In addition to the standard teacher-generated memos, Samantha-created original works constitute much of the bulk.  On some papers, she has copied word lists or sketched "metal inset" shapes; on others she has drawn pictures or written stories.  Sounds really cute, right?

Well, take those five to fifteen pieces of paper, multiply by five days per week, then multiply again by the number of weeks in the school year.  Now multiply by the number of children (I have three).  The cuteness fades quickly as it piles up. 

Obviously, you don't keep all of this paper.  Much of it, especially teacher newsletters rendered obsolete within a few weeks, can be tossed without a backward glance.  Historically, however, it's been much tougher for me to part with debris that my children have generated.

The house that once seemed so large to my husband and me, before the days of diapers and play-dates, simply cannot contain every craft, piece of art, or word list that my kids might drag over the threshold.  So I've become choosy, saving the truly noteworthy, while hardening my heart and tossing the rest into recycling.  (And to avoid hurt feelings and loud protests, I then cover it with several layers of junk mail or old newspapers so the kids won't spot it).

Speaking of my incredible shrinking house, I've dreaded the holiday season in recent years, in part due to all of the extra Stuff that accumulates.  I'm defining "Stuff" as physical objects that a) you don't really need and b) lose their luster once you realize you have nowhere to put them. This includes toys, gifts, and holiday cards.

Seriously, when the holiday season is over, what do you do with all of those cards, newsletters, and pictures of adorable children?   My husband has adamantly clung to these, and I haven't really objected.  But again, using your multiplication skills, take the years you've been married or otherwise together, multiply that by the number of cards you typically receive each season, and you've got a huge dusty pile in the back of your closet.  (Note: someone actually suggested that I make some sort of collage with these cards and pictures, placing them in chronological order and showing how each family's kids have grown over the years.  That sounds like a project for someone with far too much time on her hands).

My advice: if you're feeling overwhelmed with Stuff, during the holidays or at any other time, consider what Stuff represents for you, then deal with it rationally.  In my view, much of our obsession with Stuff is a reaction to the impermanence of life, and acquiring certain Stuff can feel like conquering time.  Take my daughter's artwork: I know that twenty or thirty years from now, my daughter and I will both have changed enormously, physically and otherwise, but barring a house fire or something, I will still be able to touch and hold the patchwork turkey she made in art class.

And holding on to a few such items is OK.  But if you find that your clutter increases to where it interferes with your current life (such as your ability to invite people over), then you need to be much more selective.  After all, your kids will grow up anyway, regardless of whether or not you keep the turkey.  And your friends' kids will grow up too, even if you do make a collage out of their holiday pictures.

Stuff fixation almost always stems from a desire to force the intangible (i.e., feelings) into something concrete.  For some, holiday shopping and buying Stuff for others helps "prove" their love for someone (and the jewelry and flower merchants are all over that idea).  Or maybe you grew up poor, and acquiring Stuff proves to yourself and others that you have indeed moved up in the world.

Another factor: many people get somewhat depressed during the holiday season due to the lack of sunlight (Seasonal Affective Disorder), and for some, shopping for Stuff serves as a non-prescription Prozac infusion.  (Chocolate is my drug of choice, but to each her own).

So to summarize: Pinpoint what Stuff represents for you, then explore that issue directly.  Perhaps buy one of those sunlight lamps for the winter days, and see a doctor if you suspect that depression is fueling excessive Stuff acquisition.

Some resources:

The Story of Stuff, about consumerism and its effects on the environment.

compulsive shopping - some theorize that shopping becomes addictive for certain people

Hoarding and serious Stuff problems

Comments

[Kristie]

I can totally relate to this! I feel bad, but I have to throw away much of what comes home from school. I too have been less than excited about the holiday season these past few years.

[Katherine]

We're moving this week and I've been combing through all the Stuff from the last two decades of my life. And yes, I have trouble throwing away letters from high school friends or souvenirs from the college semester in Italy. But TODAY's Stuff I have managed to harden my heart and toss. Nothing like paying a mover by the hour to encourage you to slim down ...

[Condo Blues]

One way I deal with the clutter of old Christmas, birthday, etc. cards is to put them in my gift wrapping box. I cut off the fronts and use them as gift tags. I haven't purchased a gift tag in my life (more clutter IMHO.)

I've heard people suggest using kid's drawing to wrap gifts too. Maybe you can check with your kids and ask them to help you cull their drawings each month and put them away for wrapping gifts? Or let them help you decide what masterpieces to keep and what to recycle? Maybe you could send the not quite keepers not quite for recycling drawings to doting Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles as a thank you note for gifts received for birthday and Christmas. I get kid art as thank you note from my of my nieces (she can write but still sends me her art) as a thank you note for gifts I've given her.