Mom, I'm Bored...The Lost Art Of Downtime

Truth Tuesday

I sat my two kids down at the kitchen counter last week. The two of them next to each other, facing me as I stood on the other side of the counter. (This is my usual position as designated waitress.)

"Family discussion time...." I told them.

They looked seriously at me. I back at them.

"I have called you both here today to discuss your upcoming winter break."

Silence.

Fear.

Huh?

What's Mom have up her sleeve now? their looks said....

"Your Dad and I have decided we aren't going to sign you up for any camps, programs or activities over the break."

Confused looks.

"Invite friends over. I cannot be driving all over the place because I will be working, but your friends are more than welcome."

They looked at each other. Puzzled.

"Watch TV, play on your computers..."

OK.....

"Read a book or ride your bikes."

Panic.....Exercise?! Reading?! (Why are we punished??)

"No plans, no activities and no homework. This will be a great chance for you both to just chill and have some downtime."

Silence....

"OK, now who has a question?"

Both hands shot up.

"Yes?" I ask my daughter.

"Mom, I don't want [name of her brother's friend] to come over."

"You have no say which friends of your brother come over."

Next?

My son's turn: "What if I want two friends over on the same day?"

Me: "That's fine."

"Any other questions?"

Silence.

Confusion.

So here's the thing: Back in the day, kids came home from school, played outside till dark, ate dinner, went to bed, rinse and repeat.

Today....not so much. 

Most of the kids I know are over-scheduled, under-relaxed, rushed and literally all over the place.

Downtime is rare.

Not really part of the deal.

Not ever built in or considered.

They don't know what to do when they have nothing to do. I get the "Mom, I'm bored" ALL the time.

Downtime needs to be scheduled in or stumbled upon. It's always a pleasant surprise. But a nagging one. Because, after all, shouldn't we always be doing something or getting ready to do something?

Downtime means they aren't signed up for anything. Not on a team. Not part of the action.

Downtime also means that Moms (and Dads) aren't driving all over creation, frazzled yet pretending it's all good.

Downtime....it's sorely missed in my humble opinion.

I don't have a solution and I'm not interested in preaching.

I just know that I'm OK if my kids tell me they are bored over the next two weeks. I can't even fathom being bored. I don't even know what that means. But I am in the minority. 

So as far as them telling me they are bored....not only am I OK with it, I'm hoping for it.

Comments

[Jodie Randisi]

I 100% agree although it will seem as though I contradict myself when I tell you I'm the author of the book 201 Things to Do When Children Say I'M BORED! The Checklist and Journal for Busy Families.

I believe it is NOT our responsibility to pave the road for our children. It is, however, a good idea to provide a decent roadmap. Actually, the whole premise of the book is to get parents to spend more time WITH their children - so it was written for those of us who need a gentle reminder and though we may have good intentions of spending time with our children, we sometimes don't have enough good ideas.

Thanks for your post.

Jodie Randisi
My parental musing...
http://cowcatcher.wordpress.com

[Tara]

My standard answer to "I'm bored" is "You say that as if it's a bad thing, but really it's not." The child still doesn't believe me, however. (My older child is a bookworm and I don't think I've EVER heard her say she's bored...hoping the younger one gets there someday.)

[twitter.com/ElizabethPW]

We do ourselves a disservice to not let our kids be bored ... that's where creativity comes from!! In real, grown up life, the most amazing things we can do is when we *come up with them ourselves* -- we don't want kids who are dependent upon others telling them what to do when, for the rest of their lives.

So let them be bored! Let them wallow in it! Awesome!

[Al Henderson]

"Downtime" ... it's not just for kids.

[Fern Weis]

Another aspect of the difficulty kids (and adults) have with boredom/downtime is that they don't know how to give their brain some down time either. Have you noticed how antsy kids are when they have to just sit for a few minutes without activity, or video or background sound?

As a parent, teacher, and parent coach, I see this all the time, and experience it myself, too. And yet, if you just sit quietly, looking out a window, lying down under a tree, petting an animal... give your mind a chance to slow down and wander... well, this is probably where the term 'absent-minded' really comes from.

Just as our body needs rest, so does our brain. It is not something that will come easily, especially in a world of constant sensory bombardment; in a society that pushes us to achieve and set goals 24/7.

Think about finding a comfortable spot to sit with your child - a sofa, bed, lounge chair. Take comfort in each other's physical presence, and just... be... (A wonderful benefit to this is the conversations that can begin here.) Start out doing this once a week. You might find that you will both be more relaxed, and that you are creating a wonderful ritual and memories to go with it.