The Math: One Working Mom Tackles the Equation

Sharing Saturday

Guest post by Ahava Leibtag

Photo by Silenceofnight via Flickr.

On Tuesday I had one of those crazy days you dread as a mom, but are totally excited about as a woman trying to build a career.  I rose at the hour of 6:00 a.m. to get dressed and attend a small business conference in Washington, D.C.

The conference was 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. and at 6 p.m. there was a local meetup on Health 2.0 with a featured speaker I really wanted to meet.  Put it all together and it is a 14 hour day.  At 33, I should have 14 hour days, as I try to build a career I’m really passionate about. 

As a writer and Web professional, I feel great when creating new content, advising clients about online marketing strategies and thinking about using technology to attract new customers and gain brand loyalty and trust.  As a Mommy, I love the cuddles of my one-year old son's sweet, smooth, freshly bathed skin, watching my four-year old put together a puzzle for the first time and helping my eldest master the jump rope.

My 14-hour day was going to be a challenge for this working mom.  I told my six-year old that I wouldn't see her all day and she reacted in typical first-grader mode: sulky, defiant and rejected.  I felt terrible (of course) and left the house feeling guilty (of course). 

But I won't lie to you. The guilt faded quickly. I got to sit on the Metro for a total of 30 minutes (in peace) and read two newspapers. No one asked me for more cereal and milk. No one fell down trying to jump off a couch. No one cried that her pink tutu was too pink. (Every parent has a diva. Mine is four).

The small business conference was great, but around 2 p.m. I ran out of business cards.  Since my ultimate reason for being there was networking, and the conference was covering some ground I wasn't really interested in, I started to do the math in my head. You know what I'm talking about, right?  The Math.  It sounds like this:

"If I leave at 3:15, I can be home at 4:15.  I can do homework with the oldest, play with the two younger ones, eat dinner with everyone.  I'll leave at 6 for the other networking meeting.  Maybe it will end early and I'll be home in time to tuck someone in for bed."

 
The Math is what I feel like I'm constantly thinking about, all the time.  Here are some other examples of The Math:

1. "Did she/she/he eat enough today?"
2. "How many toys can possibly be on this basement floor?"
3. "If I agree to talk to this client at 7:30 a.m., I can go on the field trip with her my daughter's school."
4. "If I spend 15 minutes with him on the floor, rolling around a ball, I can go work for an hour without any guilt."
5. "If I watch an hour of American Idol with my husband, can that count as our weekly date?"
6. "If I do this many billable hours this month, how many hours do I have to do next month?"

In eighth grade algebra, my math teacher promised that X equaled Y. In fact, whatever you did to one side of the equation, she swore, you had to do to the other side for them to remain equal.  So this math lesson stays with me, as I try to build a career and also raise a family.  And I'm not satisfied with just a career and just a family. 

I want a really great, dynamic, fun career. And I also want kids with great self-esteem, who feel adults are supportive and helpful and who don't always wear their tutus to school. So, I find myself asking: how do I constantly get X to equal Y when they just don't? Not on a day like today. Not really ever.

The conference was a success, even though I left early. Home was a disaster. Even though everyone was happy to see me, homework went badly. The tutu wearer was in complain mode and the one-year old was clingy, having missed me all day. I was feeling exhausted and tired and not really ready to move on to another networking event.

So I pushed myself. But I'm glad I did. The second networking event felt like a success. I met two contacts who I think will be invaluable. And I was really inspired by a presenter, who got me excited about why I went into this career in the first place. I left on a high and called my husband. "Tell her I’m coming home early," I said, exultantly. I heard him tell my six-year old, "I have good news. Mommy's coming home." And her sweet little voice in response, "Yay!"

Upon entering the house, I expected the tackle. But instead all was quiet. I tiptoed up to her room, to find her fast asleep, tucked into her covers. She had waited for me, but I was too late. It didn't stop me from kissing her sweet cheeks and pulling the covers more tightly around her. 

I'm not really sure how to get The Math to equal out. I know if I stop trying to figure out, I'll give up on all the things I really want. So I keep playing the game in my head, trying to make it all equal out. Tomorrow I'll spend extra time with them. Maybe we'll do a fun, cooking project. Maybe we'll watch The Wizards of Waverly Place.  Maybe we'll dye the tutu purple. Either way, tomorrow's another chance to get their side of the equation right. Today it was about my side.

Comments

[Mary Jo]

I enjoyed this.

[Shuly Babitz]

"Doing the math" is such a great metaphor for the calculations all working moms do in their head. I certainly haven't figured out how to get both sides of the equation to balance out, so when you get that answer, please blog for us again!

[Kristie]

I can so relate to this! I am constantly trying to figure these things out.

[Alex Bettencourt]

I know exactly how this feels! Plus if you have to provide long distance care for your parents it's sooo much tougher. Luckily there is RememberItNow! www.rememberitnow.com

[Jennifer]

Great post! I completely relate to the "math" problem and constantly try to weight the guilt of neglecting my home to the guilt of neglecting my business and they never balance. One always seems heavier than the other and it changes daily. But as you put it, "Either way, tomorrow's another chance to get their side of the equation right." We just keep plugging away and while we may never strike that perfect balance in a single day, my hope is that in the long run the lifetime averages will balance themselves!