Family-Friendly Means Dad-Friendly Too, Right?

Fatherhood Friday

I'm a big fan of the family-friendly work environment.  I chose the non-profit field knowing that I was trading flexibility for a bigger paycheck. As the balance between my work demands and those of my wife have ebbed and flowed over the years, this flexibility has given us tremendous value. Its allowed me to split covering kids' sick days, do 5 p.m. pick-ups every day for weeks on end, and given my wife security knowing that when she takes on assignments that could take her out of town for a few days, it won't disrupt the kids' lives too much.

But, whenever I hear about the need for a more family-friendly policy in some context or another, I really don't understand why it nearly always seems to really mean "mom-friendly." I understand the physical and emotional needs accompanying maternity leave, but I think the mom-friendly definition of family-friendly dominates years into our children's lives.

Not only is it a little annoying (because, yes, I want you to recognize that men can also get a little sad thinking that we might be missing Junior's first words and steps), but I think by making this a mom-centric issue, advocates of family-friendly work environments are missing an opportunity to bring on board dads who would equally benefit from, appreciate and support a flexible work environment.

As a dad who both wants the flexibility to have a strong work-life balance, and a husband who wants to see my wife have the same, I think it's important that men don't just leave it to the women to fight these battles. It's certainly not easy; for many men, much of their self-identity (as well as identity perceived by others) is tied up in their job. Anything that could be interpreted as less than 100% identified with that job runs the risk of feeling less than 100% committed or being perceived that way. (Yes, I realize women face the same challenges; I just think that's been acknowledged, explored and argued about significantly more than men wrestling with these issues.)

While these economic times might make it seem even more difficult to consider advocating for family-friendly policies at work (after all, aren't we all supposed to be demonstrating "110% commitment" in order to make sure we're not the next ones laid off?) it might actually be a very good time. Employers are being forced to consider all aspects of their businesses with a creative approach. Why not get family-friendly policies in on the macro-changes? I just hope women advocates of these policies are welcoming of expanding the notion of family-friendly to mean more than mom-focused.

Comments

[Erika W.]

I think you will find that women advocates of family-friendly policies are more than ready to expand the focus!

An easy step for men to take is to start using any paternity leave that a company offers. The small percentage of companies that offer paternity leave report that only a few men take this leave each year. This not only sends the message to HR and executives that it's an unwanted benefit, it doesn't encourage other companies to adopt such practices.

[Lyn]

I concur with Erika.

Could you give an example of how "the mom-friendly definition of family-friendly dominates years into our children's lives"?

I also work for a non-profit and have read the policies and they seem pretty parent-neutral to me. Is there something about how they're implemented that makes them seem more mom-focused? Aside from lactation support during early years, I'm having trouble coming up with some that's concretely mother-specific.