Moms Returning to School: Has Obama Tempted You?

Family Friday

Are you intrigued by Obama's Moms Return to School grant?  As someone who has been-there-done-that, I suggest asking yourself these questions before deciding to take on the student-parent role:

1.  Are your motivations internal or external?   In other words, is your own interest in a given area driving the decision?  Or would you be doing this to please, or "prove" something to, someone else?

Example of the latter:  a woman I know holds a master's degree and has considered pursuing a doctorate.  However, very little about the prospect of doctoral work excited her.  In her culture, she lamented, there is extreme pressure to achieve the very highest degree possible – and her in-laws had told her that if there is a way to call herself "doctor," she'd better find it.

Of the various external motivations for continuing education, desire for prestige is one of the most common.  However, if external factors alone drive your motivation, adding parenthood to your list of responsibilities will surely push the degree straight off the priority list.  If school didn't excite you to begin with, it will excite you even less after becoming a parent.  The woman I mentioned just had her second child, and while she has moved no closer to pursuing the degree, she has become more skilled at tuning out her pushy in-laws.

Internal motivation involves passion.  How do you spend your free time?  What books do you read?  What Internet sites have you bookmarked?  Your answers likely reveal something about your internal motivators.

In my case, both kinds of motivation factored in when, after I had my first child, I decided to go back for my doctorate.  There was no question that I wanted to dig more deeply into the material than I could through a master's program.  I valued the experience for its own sake and didn't view it as merely a means to an end.

However, I won’t deny that external factors also played a role.  I have always looked much younger than my actual age, and a doctorate promised more respect and less condescension.  And for the most part, I think it has made my life a little easier.  For instance, I didn't have to fight very hard for the salary I wanted when hired for my current job, and people definitely treat me with more deference than they used to.

2.  How child-friendly (or at least child-tolerant) would your school experience be?  Talk to current students, as well as faculty, about their experiences with parenting and academics, and you will quickly get a feel for the prevailing attitude toward student-parents. 

Right after I got my master's degree in my mid-twenties, I was actually in a different doctoral program, but dropped out after two years.  Although children were not on my mind at the time, I definitely felt a cold, narrow approach to life emanating from many of the faculty and students.  What we were supposed to do, as graduate students, was find a small, previously undiscovered laboratory phenomenon, then go right to a tenure-track position at a large research university so we could study this until the End of Our Days.  Coincidentally or not, exactly zero percent of the faculty had children (although this did change before I left).   

The program I entered at age 31 felt completely different.  Fellow students were of all ages, some parents, some not, with extremely diverse life experiences, interests, and career goals.  Unsurprisingly, I felt totally supported while pregnant with my second and third children.

3.  How supportive would your spouse/partner be?  What kind of extended family do you have in the area?  What backup plans do you have for childcare?  Many people ask me how I managed to finish, and I always say that without both sets of grandparents in the area, plus a wonderful husband who did everything from fixing my computer to paying the bills to letting me vent, I would never have finished.  (Helpful tip for time management:  caller ID.  I could answer the important calls but send the time-suckers straight to voice mail).

It’s a cliché, but only you know what is right for you.  Many women tell me that they could never divide their attention between children and school.  But in my case, I get bored and depressed doing only one thing.  When I’ve been home with my kids without school or work for more than a day or so, my brain sags, and I develop a rather dysfunctional relationship with the refrigerator.  Having other roles to fill actually energizes me for the time I have with my children.

By Jenny Douglas Vidas  

Comments

[Katherine]

This is an interesting framework for making the decision to go back to school. A lot of people I know are considering it -- especially as this economy makes their current jobs less appealing.

[scholarships for moms]

With jobs depleting, they want mothers to get back into school so that stimulating the work force can start. It's happening in every area and not just with mothers

[JenBeee]

I'm pursuing a Master's degree mostly because I'm embarrassed that I don't have one at my age and level of responsibility at work. But I also found a program that can hold my interest enough for me to complete the assignments and learn something new in the process. Passion, unfortunately, isn't a factor - the fields I am passionate about deepening my knowledge in do not pay well (if at all), and I have to make a decent salary for my family to survive. Instead of choosing the path of marginal living and intellectual fulfillment, I've chosen stability and work that is somewhat interesting. I can't really change that now, but perhaps when I retire my second life will begin.

[Sarah]

I would have never thought to consider the external vs. internal factors before. Just like any educational decision, it requires research and passion to get to where you want to be. Moms may even want to consider an online school if they lead hectic lives as well.