In Praise of Child Care (Yes, Child Care)

Work Wednesday

This month we’ve reached two turning points in our family’s life - my daughter graduated from preschool and my son moved on from diapers. (At least, most of the time. We did have a relapse during last weekend’s interminable trip on the New Jersey Turnpike, which should require no explanation for frequent travelers in the I-95 corridor.)

While I could write a weepy, blubbering post about the fleeting, episodic nature of early childhood, I’ll hold back. Because, in truth, I’m gleeful about it all. I love seeing my kids grow, change, and develop the vocabulary to communicate their daily discoveries – whether it’s my daughter’s enthrallment with reading or my son’s enchantment with colors. (This morning he announced that he is done with orange and now favors purple. Just after I finally managed to find orange shorts for the summer!)

The one thing I’m sad about, though, is that these milestones mean that my children will move on from their current child care arrangements - my daughter to kindergarten at the end of the summer, my son to the next classroom at his child care center in less than a month. I’m both anticipating and dreading the transitions - and the ways in which they will change our current work schedules, commuting habits, and related family dynamics. (Definitely material for blogs to come.) But more than that, I realize that I’m going to miss my kids’ child care centers and, of course, their caregivers - a sterile phrase for the wonderful, multi-dimensional, and loving people - mostly women - who have played a significant role in helping my kids reach these markers.

Now, my son still has a few years before he’s kindergarten-ready, so I’m not truly saying goodbye. But my daughter’s passage from preschool (and my son’s progression to the potty) provides a moment for me to pay tribute to the role that good but not perfect (see below) child care can play in the lives of a working mom and her family.

It’s not often that you’ll come across a paean to day care. Usually, it’s demonized. (As are the mothers - generally, the emphasis is not on the fathers - who "deposit" their kids there.) Most of the time, you only hear about tragic, horrendous things happening in child care centers like the 11-month old boy who drowned last week in a mop bucket in an unlicensed home day care. Unfortunately, there are too many stories like that. There’s a shameful lack of good child care options in the United States - at almost all income levels - but especially for low-income kids who are often in poor quality care that can have negative, and sometimes, dire consequences. Or you read about studies "proving" that children who’ve logged hours in child care are more disruptive and aggressive than children who haven’t. (Of course, the main study cited for this point, the Study of Early Child Care and Youth Development funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development- actually found that the effects were minimal, and in the normal range. And that there were some positive effects too!)

But there certainly are many child care centers that provide children with stable, comforting, challenging, and yes, loving, care. And their parents with support, knowledge, practical advice, and accountability.

I’ve learned a lot about child development theory from the directors of my children’s programs (especially about the importance of play) and even more about actual parenting from their caregivers and other parents. From helping my then-seven-month-old non-napping daughter learn to sleep to fostering her exploration, at age five, of the concept of infinity, my children’s caregivers have served as the metaphorical village that has helped me raise my kids. That’s not to say that my husband and I have abdicated our parenting responsibilities. It’s just that we’ve been aided, greatly, by having committed caregivers on our team.

I know that we’ve been fortunate to have high-quality care for our children. (And to have it on-site, where my husband and I can easily participate in many activities. Not to mention that I was able to breastfeed each of my children for a year during my lunchtime breaks.) My son is in a center-based program in my office building that is accredited by NAEYC, the National Association for the Education of Young Children, which recently imposed very rigorous standards - reflecting best practices in early childhood education and care – on centers seeking accreditation. (I do question, though, whether it’s really useful for NAEYC to require childcare providers to present extensive evidence on the opportunities for toddlers to "develop classroom community through participation in decision making about classroom rules, plans, and activities." I’m not confident that I'm up to the task at 40-something!)

And my daughter (who spent more than three years in the same center) has been enrolled for the past two years in a Reggio Emilia-inspired full-day preschool with idealistic and energetic young teachers that help the kids live the values of respect, responsibility, and community. In case you’re wondering, though, my daughter’s program is less fancy - and certainly less expensive - than "The Woods," Google’s $28,000 per year (per kid) exclusive in-house Reggio Emilia-based program that earned the company a lot of bad press last year.

Even with these indicia of quality, we’ve had our share of complaints about certain staff members and questions about certain protocols (or the lack of them). In my son’s center, there have been issues with some of the teachers’ education, training (and, in a few cases, attitudes), although the current director, parents, and teachers have worked hard to make real improvements. And in my daughter’s program, we’ve dealt with some administrative challenges and some problems arising from the center's reliance on highly-educated but relatively inexperienced teachers. My two-year tenure on the board of directors of one center gave me real insight into the challenges of providing high quality, full-day, affordable day care in an expensive urban environment.

But I don’t expect the centers and the caregivers to be perfect - just as I don’t measure my own parenting against a standard of perfection. I want my children to receive loving care that ensures their health and safety, instills them with a sense of curiosity about the world, and reinforces my own (and my husband’s) efforts to help them reach their full social, emotional, and cognitive potential. And I want them to have fun! I know that, in itself, is a lot to expect. But I do think it’s happening.

Both of my children, in my very biased opinion, are confident, joyful, curious, and socially adept. (At least for three- and five-year-olds.) Yesterday, at our parent-teacher conference, the lead teacher in my son’s classroom told me how much she would miss my son when he moves up next month - she’s as attached to her "special guy" as he is to her. And the atelierista (think, arts specialist) in my daughter’s preschool, who is about to take off on a summer adventure, sent an email thanking the parents for giving her the opportunity to get to know our "magical children" and watch them grow. I can only hope my children continue to have such wonderful experiences with caregivers, teachers, and other adults in the future.

Comments

[Ellen]

I agree that my son has been shaped and guided by his many caregivers. Still smiling thinking about your daughter's huge hugs given to her teachers at graduation!

[Bethany]

How refreshing to read a candid and guilt-free description of the importance of quality child care. As a working mom, I too rely on daycare to provide my child with a safe and loving environment during the workday -- and can relate to a lot of the sentiments here. The more that we articulate the critical role that quality daycare plays in our lives, perhaps the more we'll see of it.

[MM]

Congrats Stacy, on the milestones!

[Dana Meijler-Gross]

Interesting article. Congratulations with your kids, they sound lovely! I didn't really get how this was so much a tribute to child care, but more a social commentary, albeit fascinating!