Strange Stories from Children: Evidence of a Past Life – or an Active Imagination?

Family Friday

 

It was about nine o’clock at night, and we were packing all the kids into the minivan after a long evening at an outdoor party.  Sleepy and comfortably ensconced in her carseat, my then three-year-old daughter suddenly chirped:

 

"My daddy died!" 

 

Slightly startled, we assured her that her father was alive, well, and packing up the trunk.  Assuming that this was just a weird dream, we didn’t give the statement much thought – until she said it again another day.

 

For the next three or four months, my daughter, using a matter-of-fact tone, would start discussing her father’s "death" with many different people, including her daycare provider and family friends.  Time and time again, people pointed out that her father was perfectly healthy – and often standing right there in the room with her.   She acknowledged this, but indicated that she was referring to someone else, not my husband.

 

And that wasn’t all.  As time went on, she added details about "flashing lights" and "sharks."  She mentioned nonexistent siblings.  And she started saying that her name was "Manakita."  Much of the time, these spontaneous comments came when she was in her carseat or when we were putting her to bed.

 

Eventually, she started talking about her own death.  One evening, when I was tucking her in, she said, "When I died, there was a great big giant light."  Gesturing toward her nightlight, I said, "Like that?"  She then corrected me, "No, a great big GIANT light!"  On another night, she told me that she "chose" our family because she "liked the way you were." 

 

I never brought up these topics, but instead waited for her to do so.  I also tried to ask open-ended rather than "leading" questions, such as "How did you feel about that?" and "What was that like?"  (Counselor training comes in handy sometimes). 

 

At one point, I mentioned all of this to one of my doctoral supervisors, adding that my daughter seemed to be referencing some sort of Japanese name, "Manakita."  My supervisor, who happened to be a native Spanish speaker, replied, "Well you know, munequita means 'little doll' in Spanish." 

 

I tend to be fairly skeptical of anything that feels New Age-y or hippie-dippie.  At the same time, however, I do try to keep an open mind.  After all, most of us can name some experiences or phenomena that defy rational explanation or current scientific understanding. 

 

With that said, I have been intrigued by Carol Bowman’s research on what she calls children’s past life experiences.  Bowman argues that each of us has led multiple past lives and that children spontaneously remember these lives – and these memories affect their current lives.  As children get older, these memories fade as new life experiences become incorporated. 

 

Since I mainly deal with adults in my professional life, I asked one child psychologist what he thought was going on.  His response:  "Yeah, kids say some weird stuff, don’t they?"  He was reluctant to draw any conclusions about this beyond an active imagination.

 

An alternative explanation for my daughter’s strange stories may be simply that she got attention from them.  As I’ve mentioned in earlier blogs, my daughter has a healthy dose of "middle child syndrome," and she does tend to seize any opportunity to grab the spotlight.  She certainly got attention when she started spouting off about death and other lives.   

 

As for the word "munequita" – we live in an area with many Spanish-speaking individuals, and at age three, she did look exactly like a little doll.  It's certainly plausible that she heard someone use that word to describe her.  

 

At the same time – where did she get the part about great big giant lights?  Death and great big lights do not normally come up on Sesame Street or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. 

 

Does your child say "weird stuff?"  If so, my best advice to you, as a parent and therapist, is this: don’t flip out.  React calmly and without excessive emotion.  If you respond with fear or anger, or if you dismiss your child’s words as "silly," your child will learn to hide things from you.  And as he or she gets older and approaches the teen years, you do not want that dynamic in place (believe me).

 

In fact, "don’t flip out" applies regardless of situational specifics.  Whether your child is babbling about other lives, or asking about sex, drugs, or other sensitive issues, it’s always best to reply as calmly and unemotionally as possible.   

 

A few days ago, I asked my now five-year-old daughter if she remembered calling herself "Manakita" and talking about a different family.  She smiled, rolled her eyes, and said, "That was just a dream!" 

 

Perhaps.  But this dream lasted for four months... 

 

By Jenny Douglas Vidas

Comments

[Katherine]

I have chills reading this post. Sounds like you handled it beautifully. I probably would've flipped out! :)

[Melissa]

I have been doing research and found your blog. My daughter is 4 1/2 and has talked about a past life several times. She said that she knew her dad before they were born. They faught with swords many many years ago and she did not like him. She said she told God that she wanted us as parents and chose us. She said that sometimes her brain tells her to be mean to her dad because of what he did to her before she was born, but it hurts her heart, so she has to re-train her brain to like him and be nice to him now that he's her dad. She went on to say that he does not remember because he's a grown up. Grown ups can't remember what happened to them before they were born. This is just one incident we have had with our daughter. She has seen met my father and on occasion see's him sitting on my Son's( he is 22) car for protection. My dad died 3 years before she was born. When she see's him he is young with brown hair. He died with gray. She had an imaginary friend, at least that's what I call it, named Cada when she was two. She talked with her openly in her room. One day she told me that Cada's mom said she could not play with her anymore. She described Cada's mom as not alive like us, but not in heaven. She had a white body, but no legs or arms. She had a head though. Last night she told my husband that Jesus did not die on the cross for us, but for God. She said that people die so God can send them back here to be better people. To be more normal she said. I'm not sure what to do with all this, but I do believe her and try very hard not to appear surprised.

[Takiya]

Wow.....this is compelling. Wish I would have seen this sooner.

[SG]

Wow, very cool. I ran across this doing research for work and just wanted to say that I had memories like these when I was little too. I am 33 now but I vividly remember living in an orphanage in the south at the turn of the century. I would feel home sick and cry to my mom to let me go back home. I could draw the place where I lived even today. I asked my mom about this a couple years ago and she looked at me like she had seen a ghost. "You remember that far back?" I was between 3 and four years old. I believe that children are still so much closer than we are to the other side and I think its very loving of you to not judge or dismiss your daughter's memories. I do remember being made to feel ashamed. Thanks

[Jessica]

I have had a similar experience with my son. He just started saying things like "When I was older I did this" and "When I am a baby again I will go here." Sometimes he says things and his whole demeanor will change like he is a different person. The other day he came out on the porch and sat across from me with the most serious look on his face and said "Look, we need to talk, what do I call you?" I said what do you mean and he said I have to tell you a story. Then he told me a story about when he lived in a castle with his real mom and asked where she was. Made me want to cry so bad. He said he got lost in the woods and the animals ate him. I didn't know what to say because as soon as he was done with his story he went right back in the house to watch octonaughts and hasn't said anything about it since. I haven't bought it up and I'm not going to. I started looking on the computer for an explanation and I found out about the possibility of past lives.

[Bryn]

I know my past life and I was killed by my mother and then God and I chose my new family. I was scared of beds when I was little and was scared of heights as well as my past.

[Lauren]

i just came across this in research too.. all of my children have talked about their past lives. my oldest i didn't realize it and dismissed what he was trying to tell me. but before my daughter who is my middle child started talking about what i think was more than one life memory, i had read Life Before Life.. a wonderful book for concerned mothers. i still question though.. how much of it is imagination? what are we supposed to do with this information? the struggle to not ask prodding questions is very difficult for me, as a lover of history :) my daughter's memories sure do explain her fiery temper! i do have concerns, as i have read as well that there are demons feeding the children these stories and the same with past life regression sessions. for me, the way the children's demeanor changes and suddenly they're very grown up in their explanations is compelling evidence to a mother..

[ash]

I have also had similar conversations with my daughter. They started soon after she turned four. She told me about her other Mother, I asked he if it was me and she laughed and said "No mum, you weren't even born yet". Apart from the information she told me it was her whole demeanour which really startled me, I felt like I was speaking to someone a lot older. She also told me that she had chosen us to be her family. I have also tried to be accepting and open and not make a big deal about it. Every now and again she will tell me something else. I find it fascinating and challenging to think about.

[Jessica]

this could quite possibly be the most fascinating thing I have ever heard. I want so badly to speak with one of these children

[MJL]

My son is now 12, but when he was about 1 1/2-2 we were driving over a small bridge in our little town with a river below. He suddenly pointed down at the river and said "Caitlyn died" over and over. (Caitlyn is his sister who is 2 1/2 years older than him. I was shocked and scared. I was afraid that maybe he was having a premonition of her drowning and I had always had an irrational fear of one of my children dying or dying myself and my children living without a mother. It kept me from experiencing many things in life and caused me many sleepless nights. Since I was so afraid of even discussing it, and not thinking that he might be referring to a past life, I did not ask any questions and it was never brought up again. On a side note, my daughter has a fear of water which began when she was a toddler. This seemed very odd to me since she was in a pool regularly with me since she was an infant. Years later, my friend had a psychic party where friends gathered for dinner and readings at my friends' house. I told her about what my son had said many years prior and she immediately told me of a past life where my daughter was my son's mother and she had been in some kind of wagon or buggy that tipped over in a river somewhere in Europe and she drowned leaving him alone (I'm not sure where the father was) and he grew up in an orphanage, worked in a factory as a child, and died as a child. (This was at the end of my reading so I didn't get to go into more detail by asking questions.) I can see many connections to this scenario in our present life. My daughter and son have always had an extremely close relationship with her acting as his mother (I often still have to remind her that I am his mother), she still has a fear of water and says she gets a panic feeling and can't breathe when she gets in water around her chest, my son has always been extremely close to me and continues to be afraid that something is going to happen to me or that I'm going to die when I have to leave the house (there are many irrational stories I could tell here) and a really weird connection that might support a past life living in Europe that I made not long ago is that when he says the word "been" as in "How have you been?", he has always pronounced "been" with long e's as they do in Europe. I always thought that was so weird and could never figure out where he was getting that from. My kids are 14 and 12 now so passed the point of having more memories, I'm sure. I wish I would have asked questions when I had the chance. This topic fascinates me and I enjoy reading everyone's stories.