Family Friday
New York lawyer Madlyn Primoff had had just about all she could take. When her pre-teen daughters wouldn't stop bickering, she kicked them out of the car and took off! Media frenzy ensued.
Based on comments I have seen thus far, there appear to be three schools of thought regarding the Primoff brouhaha:
1) What's the Big Deal? The argument here is that the girls in question are ages ten and twelve, not toddlers. "In my day," these folks argue, "my parents would have [insert abusive practice here]. So a couple of spoiled kids have to walk home - maybe they'll learn a lesson."
2) This is Appalling, Shocking, and Abusive These people argue that, for all of her education, wealth, and status, Primoff lacks fundamental parenting skills and should forfeit her parental rights.
3) I'm Torn - I Can Understand the Impulse, But Geez I fall into this middle-of-the-road, wishy-washy category. Worse things could certainly have happened, especially in light of some of the tragic headlines in the media lately. And if I were a parent fifty years ago, I probably would have thought little of the incident. There probably wouldn't have even been an incident - no newspaper would have deemed this interesting enough to document. But of course, hazards like child molesters and serial killers did not seem to dominate the landscape as much in those days (although they certainly existed - the media had simply not discovered them yet).
It is difficult to make any judgments about the case without knowing more. For instance, there was a three-hour lag between when the kids were dropped off and when the 10-year-old was reported missing (the 12-year-old ran, caught up with the car, and got in). What went on during that time period? Was this behavior typical of this mother? Where is the father in all of this?
I know someone will accuse me of flippancy here - it even sounds flippant to me as I write this paragraph, but here goes: For many years, my husband and I have longed for one of those soundproof glass barriers behind the front seat of the car, similar to the ones in limousines, with a microphone that the driver can turn on or off at will. Why aren't these available in regular cars???
First of all, our kids have reached the age when they repeat what we say to others, which means that my husband and I have to carefully guard our gossip. About a decade ago, there was a commercial for some sort of kids' snack food, and the premise was that filling kids' mouths with snacks would keep them from spilling your secrets all over town (like "My little brother was an accident" or "Daddy says our new neighbors are hillbillies"). So with a soundproof wall, my husband and I could yammer away unedited on long, boring drives.
More importantly, a soundproof wall could filter out the extraordinarily distracting kid-noise that torments most adults who attempt to drive and parent simultaneously. For instance, in addition to the bickering Primoff allegedly endured, my kids complain, whine, shriek, ask constant questions, and/or simply babble. Sometimes they will stop when I turn on the radio, but more often than not, the music inspires still more questions ("Mommy, what is that song called?" "Mommy, is that a boy or a girl singing?" "Mommy, why are they singing about that?" "Mommy, what does 'desire' mean?") Sounds cute on paper, but it's a lot to deal with while negotiating hostile traffic.
When will automakers provide the option of soundproof glass behind the front seats? (And for those of you who think that cutting off communication with one's children in the car is Just Awful - then save some money and don't order the glass). As many have pointed out, distracted drivers have killed people. And with such a wall, Madlyn Primoff could have cut the sound off and driven home in peace.
Honda, Ford - are you listening?
By Jenny Douglas Vidas
Oh, I want one of those soundproof walls! My kids do the same thing with the music -- they want the whole back story about the relationships and who did what to whom. They very quickly realized that most adult music is about romantic relationships.
Posted by: Katherine | Friday, May 01, 2009 at 10:41 AM