Work Wednesday
I'm lucky. My best friend sits about nine doors down from me at the office, at the end of a long hallway. My friend happens to be my husband so I am fortunate except for the rare days when we're not on speaking terms.
We don't work together on projects and assignments, which gives us both some crucial breathing room. And we usually don't eat lunch together or hop over to Starbucks for an afternoon jolt. (Although my husband occasionally does express his love with a latte!) But he is around for a quick in-person consultation when a kid falls sick or for a reality check when a colleague makes a mildly critical remark.
And the fact that we work in the same space has eased some of our commuting-childcare issues. It also gives us up-front insight into each other's work lives, allowing us to cut each other some extra slack at home when the other person is overwhelmed at work.
As close-to-ideal as our arrangement is (for us), it's not my husband that I look forward to seeing every day at the office. It's my mommy-buddies.
One unexpected benefit of becoming a mother was my automatic initiation into my agency's "motherhood." When I returned from my first maternity leave, women - with kids big and small - streamed into my office and assured me that career and children are compatible (if not easy) and that my baby girl and I would be fine. In fact, better than fine.
Since then, between meetings and deadlines, I've exchanged advice about policy positions and potty training with my mommy-buddies. We've strategized about litigation and lactation, seminars and schools. (And, at a different level, we've also discussed ambition and ambivalence.)
Towards the end of my second maternity leave, I realized how much I value this network when I found myself missing my mommy-buddies. I was surprised. I was enjoying spending time with my baby boy and my closest friends who (primarily) are at home. But I craved my conversations with my working mom colleagues. I missed their competent, caring, and sometimes amusing approach to lives full with children's needs, work demands, and - unavoidably - household chores. (Not that my conversations with my "at-home" friends were any less interesting or engaging. Or that their approach to parenting and the rest of life was all that different. I just missed the daily exchanges with my work friends.)
There are two women, in particular, who have transcended the mommy-buddy category and become dear friends. We were friendly before we became mothers but our friendships intensified afterwards. One was pregnant at roughly the same time as me. We shared the early days of work-motherhood together, pumping in symphony. (Yes, with Medela's Symphony pump!) The other woman and I tag-teamed childbirth and maternity leave. Our four children, two apiece, are like stacking toys, each a year or so apart.
A few weeks ago, early in the morning, I stopped by one friend's office because I knew she had a lot on her mind. She was grateful for my concern and told me that she loved me. I replied that I loved her too and we hugged. There was no romance here -- neither of us is planning to ditch her husband! It was simply an expression of how we had come to care for each other as colleagues and friends as we both strive to be good parents, employees, and friends.
So I am doubly lucky. I have my husband and my mommy-buddies/friends at work. And love, in two variations, at each end of the hallway. No wonder I love my job!
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