By Tanya Bunich
Photo courtesy of island_explorer via Flickr
This past Saturday night I went out to a local karaoke bar with 3 friends to celebrate a birthday. We talked, sang, danced and had a great time. After a few hours we left and were walking a few blocks to another spot.
On our way, we spotted a private coach bus and it looked as if there was a group of people boarding. Always up for some excitement, we walked over to the bus and got on. A group of about 12 guys were on the bus.
Soon it became apparent that they were out for a bachelor party. They invited us to join them, we did and the bus took all of us to a pub in Canton (downtown Baltimore).
Talking with them for the rest of the evening was quite interesting. All but one was married, ranging from 1 year to 15 years of marriage. Everyone was quite cynical about marriage and shouting “don’t do it” to the bachelor.
I went around the room and tried to get an idea of what it is about marriage that makes each and every one of us, at some point in our marriage, no matter how good it is, say "don’t do it" or "why did I do this?"
Although each had a different story, there was a common thread. BORDOM!!! It's being with the same person day in day out. I find this so interesting! On the one hand, that is the goal, to find that one special person, then after spending years finding that special one, we complain that we are bored with that special one!! How ironic!!
But, not really. We are a generation that has come to demand instant gratification and a generation that expects to dispose of material things i.e. electronics, clothing, cars, you name it, rather quickly. How many people have a cell phone that’s more than a year old? We are constantly upgrading or as McDonald’s coined it "super sizing." So we think….why should marriage be any different? We have been conditioned to want and expect constant change.
In such a disposable society, how do we take marriage out of that equation? I don't think we can, but what I propose it to think about your spouse as the constant and get the change or upgrade from the things you do together. Don't go to the same places to eat, don't go to the same places over and over again on vacation, get out of your Sunday routine and shake it up a bit. Surprise your husband and don't ask him to stop at the grocery store to get milk on Thursday night as he has been for years, but instead ask him to pick up a bottle of red and make the rest a surprise (if he gets home without a heart attack from the shock).
I would love to hear some of your ideas of how to take the marriage out of the disposable equation. I am sure that together we can kick the rut and help each other improve.
Waiting for your upgrade ideas.
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