CurrentMom

Having "The Talk"

Therapy Tuesday
Photo By: ddtmacwil

I don't think there is denying that sex in our culture has left the island of taboo and is more virulent in the mainstream. Case in point: a recent CNN article.  Kids (and adults) are bombarded with sexualized images, scenarios, and even just the news. (Yup, had to reference the Governator in here somehow).

This leads parents to wonder how do they fill in? Do they let school provide the education? (Which might be limited to types of funding--for example, New Jersey just petitioned the Federal Government to receive money from their "Abstinence Grant."  This is ONE type of prevention strategy, but not the full picture.)  Friends can be another source of information. Or the casual approach of just leaving a book behind.

LIke most things that kids might explore, the best information is from parents. Two types of messages are conveyed in these discussions: facts and family approaches. An example would be if your family is against premarital sex, this attitude can only be taught by parents. A religious institution or a school cannot adequately express this message in the same way that a parent can.

Some things to remember when you enter this territory of the birds and bees:

*Consider your child's age and give information appropriate. (Graphic detail is too much for a 10 year old)

*Keep the lines of communication open. (This is just a first conversation--one conversation cannot cover everything)

*Think about what you are comfortable sharing about yourself (I'd err on the side of caution--you can't take back words)

*Monitor how comfortable you are with this topic (Unease begets more unease)

I've shared here that I'm going to have a baby soon. This was not a fact I could ignore with my 3 and a half year old. In order to open the dialogue about sex, I started to read him a book called: "When You Were Inside Mommy." by Joanna Cole. This started to give him a template to understand what was going on. I also tried to be specific when I talked about the baby growing--that she is in my uterus, and not my belly, and that boys don't have a uterus. He even tested this theory by asking my husband (who has a bit of a belly himself) when his baby was coming. My husband told him the facts: "I'm just fat."

These conversations don't have to be traumatic for either you or your child, but can be light, funny, and informative.

Chelsea Clinton, the Question of Religion and a Journey to a Spiritual Sweet Spot

Sharing Saturday  

Will she or won't she? That’s the question burning up the Jewish blogosphere right now. Will Chelsea Clinton convert to Judaism to marry Mark Mezvinsky? Or perhaps convert before they have children? Will she, like Ivanka Trump, become a person of the book for love?

A loaded question on every level. Of course, the reality is that it's no one's business except the couple's and perhaps their families.

Except that it's not. Given the fact that the bride is the daughter of two of the most famous people in the universe, and the groom is a political scion himself, there is more scrutiny focused on this relationship than perhaps even on Hillary and Bill's.

So who else has a vested interest in this union and its religious direction?

Selfish or Selfless Education

Fatherhood Friday

I used to live in the Washington D.C. area. As my oldest son starting approaching school-age, many colleagues of mine who had children ranging from high school to post-college said something to the tune of "you're sending him to private school, right?"

Now, the public schools where we lived were considered top-notch. Plus, my wife and I were both public school products and are strong believers in public schools. The idea of spending $25,000 a year for perhaps an incrementally better education struck me as far-fetched.

Fast forward a few years, where we've moved to the Midwest. When we moved here we were in temporary housing. Not knowing where we would ultimately settle down we enrolled our son at the community religious school. While not $25,000 it was still a considerable cost. But it gave us some stability. 

I also realized the religious education was important to me (and my wife). I never had it, and I take great joy in seeing his awareness, pride and grounding take shape. Perhaps equally important, I derived great value in what it provided the family - namely, a sense of place in a new community. We were quickly welcomed into the community, making great friends and feeling part of something bigger.

The downside is our concerns about the secular instruction. We have some serious concerns about the quality of the education, compounded by the very, very small class size. In short, we're not sure that he's going to be consistently challenged in a well-rounded setting. (The town where we ultimately settled has excellent public schools.)

So, today, we're wrestling with where the priorities ought to be. How to balance the desire for religious education, community and grounding (very much admittedly for both him and us) with the need for a very strong general education? Not to mention the cost factor too. 

Is it selfish or selfless to keep him in the private religious school? Of course this is a very personal decision that each family must make on its own based on its own values and priorities. That said, I'd be curious to hear about your thoughts and experiences.

(Photo credit: babble.com)

Hope on a Rope: Tips for Strengthening Hope in Your Teenagers

Sharing Saturday

Guest post by Julie Neraas

If you are the parent of a teenager, you know how hard it is when they move into a particularly cynical or sarcastic phase. Or when they dig in their heels thinking every parental idea is just plain stupid. It doesn't help much to know that all this fierce clinging to one, iron-clad perspective is armor protecting a vulnerable ego.  Teenagers are often sure they just can't do whatever it is they are supposed to do. In such times, it's all you can do not to get hooked by their attitude.

One of your jobs as a parent is to bolster hope. When people have hope they know there is a way forward and they're pretty sure things can work out.  And how does hope work?  It looks for options. It sees openings. It spins realistic possibilities. But when kids are unsure of themselves, particularly teens with low self-confidence, it can be hard to believe that things really will work out.

Matzoh Lasagna Pleases Kids Beyond Passover

Meal Monday

Passover presents a small problem for my mac-n-cheese and spaghetti-loving kids. They like the brisket and potatoes we have for the big family meals. But it's just not that appealing to take dry matzoh sandwiches to school while their friends feast on the usual bread sandwiches and pasta. Instead, I bake a big, meat matzoh lasagna early in the Passover holiday and let my children enjoy leftovers for days to come.