After a long, three-month dry spell, I finally had a day like I remember from before. A day where I felt accomplished, one in which I remembered why I love my work. A day that bolstered me instead of defeated me. A day in which I remembered why I was willing to step up and take on a full-time job that is actually three jobs and why I was willing to rework my relationship to my family, my life and myself.
It wasn’t a remarkable day in terms of what I did. I had the chance to meet someone new and begin a conversation about how we might work together. I had the chance to meet someone I’ve known for a long time and have a conversation about how we are already working together. And I had a chance to talk with the person who oversees my work (I have decided to stop using the word “boss” – it feels patriarchal and intimidating) and have a conversation about the many pieces I’m juggling, most of it seemingly successfully.
That’s it. Three interactions. That was my whole work day. Very few emails. Little if nothing actually moved forward. But three incredibly satisfying, emotional and important interactions.
At the end of the day, a day that also included incredible sadness intermingled with the satisfaction, as I had learned in the morning that the father of a very close friend had died, at the end of this day and after these conversations that fed me, I felt grounded in way that has eluded me for several months.
I have been twisting and turning since I took on the mantle of these new jobs, nervous about the many moving parts, overseeing a big move in our office that affects everyone – both physically and emotionally. Being responsible for how other people are feeling. Planning a trip to another country and not knowing how to land on the exact right dates for the trip, trying to please a lot of different players in the decision-making and not trusting my own instincts quite yet. Overseeing a dedicated group of volunteers who look to me for leadership and yet, feeling like I don’t have quite enough arms to ensure that their direction is clear.