CurrentMom

Senioritis

Truth Thursday

I experienced my first real dose of senioritis today. No, it wasn’t my son cutting a class (although he’s been known to do that this year), nor was it him joyriding, being huffy and non-communicative, or staying out past curfew. 

No, it happened when I was looking at his high school website, actually looking up something for my daughter who will be attending the school next year, when a page for seniors caught my eye.  It held several links to important information for seniors – about prom, about finals, and about graduation.

And that’s when it really hit me. He’s graduating. This year. 

And I started to cry.

Later, reading the health section of the Washington Post, there was an article about how we, as a society, should be thinking about how to better combat senioritis and create a more productive last term of high school for our American seniors. Aftrer eading that, I started to cry again. 

Anyone who knows me knows that I have spent most of this year, my oldest child’s final year in high school and at home, pretty much in the mindset of “don’t let the door hit you as you leave.”  My friends who have gone through this have told me that this is natural – our seniors’ behavior in their last full year living at home often is so atrocious, so mean-spirited and icky, that we want them to leave. 

But it’s really only their way of getting ready to leave. They need to push away, to create space between themselves and their parents, and their friends. They need to know that it’s ok to leave it behind – that they’re ready to launch. 

Theft 101: Or, How My Kindergartner's Purple Backpack Came Back

Truth Tuesday

Guest post by Amy Rogers Nazarov

The other day, someone stole my kindergartner's backpack off our front stoop.

We'd walked home from school together, like we did every day. Upon arrival, Jake grabbed his crotch.

"I have to pee, Mama!" he yelled as he wriggled out of his backpack and tossed it onto the steps.

I unlocked the door fast, helped Jake throw off his coat, and cheered him down the hall to the potty. He made it in time, so we celebrated with a banana smoothie, sweetened with chocolate sauce, discreetly enhanced with wheat germ. I poured most of it in a glass for him but siphoned off a little for me.

I like these mundane after-school rituals and I hope Jake does, too. He's got big days at kindergarten: social interactions with peers to be negotiated, a tripod pencil grip to be practiced, numbers and rhymes to be learned. I think he benefits from chilling out at home with me, where the biggest decision we face is whether we'll make a skyscraper out of blocks or try to replicate a stop sign in chalk on the blackboard.

"Your backpack is still outside, honey," I suddenly remembered. "Let's get it."

We walked back up the hall, the door and looked at an empty stoop. The purple backpack – containing his lunch bag and homework folder – was not there.

Transforming from Dogs to Cats - the Adolescent Parlor Trick

Truth Thursday

A few years ago, as our two oldest boys were simultaneously wading into the shoals of early adolescence, a friend sent me a brilliant essay on how, as kids grow from elementary school age to teens, they essentially morph from being dogs to being cats. 

I am here to say that it is absolutely true. I currently have one cranky old cat, one spunky kitten and one aging but happy puppy living under my roof – and my family is still in negotiation about whether to get a real pet.

My oldest, who was still an older dog/younger kitten at the time of the article, is now 17 and has completely transformed into an old, mercurial cat. He shows up in public for food, but only on his own schedule, and only will eat what he likes.

He enjoys the downstairs living space when no one else is home, stretching his long, lanky limbs out on the couch, watching tv and leaving a trail of cracker crumbs and juice spills in the kitchen on his way. But as soon as he hears the key in the lock, he hightails it upstairs to his room, with his door always closed and often locked (against house rules.) He will reappear around 10:00 at night, after having taken his early evening nap, and stretch and scrounge for dinner leftovers. 

He ignores you completely in the early morning when he has to get up long before his circadian rhythms tell him it’s time, and he snarls at night when you need to ask him a question. But if he has a question or a need, it’s right now, immediately, or else he retreats to his lair, mumbling under his breath about the unfairness of it all.

Left to his own devices with no school or work responsibilities, he would sleep about 18 hours a day.

Parting Ways

Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn

"All good things come to an end."  

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."

The Long Goodbye...

As tried and true as these phrases are, there is a reason that they endure. Something humans are innately poor at is saying goodbye. We avoid it, we deny it, or we convince ourselves that it's just "see you later."

There is something final about goodbye. And our goodbyes build on one another throughout our lives. There is an aspect to parting that is akin to a loss. Perhaps its temporary in terms of timing, or more permanent. (By the way, loss doesn't have to equate to death, although those are very deep losses that we feel).

We lose something when we part ways. It might be company, memories, fun, or something else. Yet we also gain. Saying goodbye can mean emotionally paring down of who matters to you. And not all goodbyes must be sad or fill us with longing. Sometimes, we can't wait for goodbye (like leaving a job that we have not enjoyed, or family that we don't get along with). No matter the reaction, goodbyes are telling.

So why is it important to make a deal of goodbyes? For the superstitious there is the rationale that you might not see that person again. For the sentimental, it might be getting your feelings across. Both of these positions can be potentially vulnerable. Human beings don't seek out to be vulnerable. It's uncomfortable to say the least. I would argue that saying goodbye helps to neutralize feelings of loss and to normalize them. It allows us to practice being uncomfortable (even for a second) so that we have tools to call on when the goodbye is of a more permanent nature.

It is in the spirit of goodbye and wanting a definitive ending that I let you all know that this is my last post as a regular contributor for CurrentMom. I'm leaving open the possibility of being a Guest Blogger, but in looking at my schedule, I am unable to continue regularly blogging. I have enjoyed (as I hope you have) blogging and my forays into the blogosphere. Hopefully my words have been helpful in some way.

I wish everyone a peaceful holiday and a wonderful new year. 

Let's Make a Date

Therapy Tuesday
Photo by: dcjohn

Date Night. Two easy words that constitute really wise advice. How many couples actually follow it? Last summer, world divorce rates were released per 1000 people. Guess where the United States ranked? First. Not really something we want to be proud of, but for every 1000 people, 4.95 of them divorce.

That's where Date Night can come in. Time to be alone with your spouse. To have uninterrupted time together to reconnect, rediscover one another, and just enjoy the relative quiet. Date nights don't have to be expensive (or even occur at night!) Using creativity, and even sites like Groupon, can lead to some fun and out of the box ideas.

After the birth of my second child, I felt fairly overwhelmed. I had little time for myself, let alone my husband and I. Recently, we committed ourselves to date night. Our aim is once a month, and hopefully, we'll be better (but that all depends on child care, of course!)  A few recent dates: Trapeze School, movie, and partner yoga. We try to do things that will get us talking (OK, movie was the exception) and can spark conversation beyond parenting.

That's one of the cardinal rules of Date Night: Little talk about the kids. Yes, you both have them in common. Yes, you both love them, and they are adorable, but they aren't sexy, and they don't remind you of the foundation of your relationship prior to their existence. One day, your kids will be gone, and you'll be left with your spouse. Regular date nights help to keep this a vibrant connection rather than just one based on co-habitation or co-parenting.

We live busy lives. But date night is worth its weight in marriage gold.

What have you done for date night?