Like so many other parents, I had all sorts of plans before my daughter was born. I got a Pack-N-Play for her to lie in while I worked on the computer. A sling to carry her around in so I had my hands free.
You know what happened, don't you. None of it!
When she was born, her personality started showing just about the time they pullled her out and announced "it's a girl". It wasn't what I planned for, but I was grateful to have a daughter who had her own mind and wasn't afraid to stand up for what she thought. At the age of three we determined she was going to be a lawyer.
One of the other plans I made was being a kid, myself. Playing in the park, blowing bubbles, dandelions and all sorts of other kid-type pursuits. How grand it will be, I thought to myself. To be a kid again - I loved building pillow and blanket forts even into my teens. Camping out in the backyard, painting, coloring; the possibilities were endless.
When reality started to creep into this area, I became frustrated.
Working my own business takes up time, sure. Sometimes a lot more time than a "normal" job, other times I am happy to have a few hours to idly surf the internet. Mix in the same housework and cooking that most moms in this day and age do and I still technically have time to play with my little one.
But mostly? I don't. I love her, I really do. And when she plays and I listen to her talking with/as her dolls I can't help but smile.
The thought of sitting on the floor and bouncing around a Polly Pocket or Barbie doll, however, makes me cringe.
Maybe I'll get lucky and as she gets a bit older we will be able to bond a bit more over other things?
This year might also be the elusive year I get a better handle on my ADD and stop letting things stress me out so much. Then time management might become a little easier, leaving me lighter in spirit and more prone to spontaneously blowing bubbles and jumping into rain puddles.
I don't think I'll ever be able to have fun playing with dolls. I didn't really play with dolls when I was my daughters age! But that doesn't mean I have to wait until she's old enough to play games with me online in order to bond better. It's been a terrifically mild winter here in Florida - I've already had thoughts about getting Ana some bubble soap and a new blower. The sidewalk chalk will no doubt be coming out very soon, as well.
With any luck, I can take a deep breath, log off for awhile, and remember what it's like just to be outside in the sunshine.
I had a life before the internet existed - in this time of technology overload, I thought my biggest parenting challenge would be connecting with that past and using it to teach my daughter how to unplug.
Reality has set in now and I realize - she's going to end up doing that for me.
Photo courtesy of gerougos via flickr