Photo by: Dalo_pix2
I'm noticing that winter tends to be a season of waiting. Waiting for the weather to warm up or the days to get longer. Waiting for colleges to let you know if you should start making plans. Waiting for school to end and summer to begin.
I just got to experience waiting by proxy. The kind of waiting that I think is the most difficult of all: waiting for test results. The kind of waiting where you eagerly want the phone to ring, and simultaneously, are afraid of who might be on the other line. Waiting to hear "all clear," and yet being afraid to hope for that too much, less you jinx it (as if things actually work that way). What made this waiting a little more tough was that they weren't even MY results, but my mom's.
I got a call last week from my mom letting me know that at her doctor's appointment, there was a lump in her breast that was detected. Her doctor used a syringe to see if it was a cyst, and if it was, there would be liquid coming out. The syringe was inserted, but there wasn't any liquid. The next step was to get a biopsy. This would determine what kind of mass it was: benign or cancerous. I was able to be calm while on the phone, although I flashed back to my own waiting for results. I tried to mention this in a way to be in concert with her during this waiting. To protect myself from one of life's biggest fears (death), I wrapped some emotional distance from this news and put it "away."
Fast forward to Monday morning. I was getting my kids ready for the day, and the phone rings. It's my mom. I had forgotten that today was "Result Day" and I answered the phone. In an upbeat voice, I heard. "I just got the results back. Everything is fine. They are just going to monitor me." Three sweet phrases! As I was talking to her, I could feel my eyes well up with tears. The distanced emotion was raging full force! In that moment, I could feel what I almost lost. And I am grateful for this extra time found.