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Friday, February 12, 2010

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Tracey A. Bloodsaw, Esq.

I always encourage my clients to seek psychological help for them and their children, either during or after the divorce. It's amazing how many parents neglect the emotional affect of divorce on their children.

Keyuri Joshi

Thank you for your perspectives. I couldn't agree more with several of the suggestions you made for divorcing parents to minimize "baggage" and take the high road as much as possible. I fear, however that even in the best case scenario where baggage might be fully eliminated, that we are forgetting that children are emotional beings with a full range of emotions that they don't necessarily have the bilogic development to comprehend and process. Remember that parents can be loving but not necessarily effective in helping their child's emotional health (or emotional and social intelligence. I'd encourage all divorcing parents to pay particular attention to this aspect of their child. Help them understand and process guilt (many kids blame themselves), anger, fear of judgement or peer ridicule... etc. Let's make this more about the kids and less about the parents.

Pam

As a child therapist I work with many families who are dealing with divorce. Sometimes the divorce happened several years ago but the children are just now displaying problematic behaviors. I remind parents that they need to be mindful of the fact that their children will revisit the divorce and what it means as they reach developmental milestones.

Karen Paul-Stern

As a child of a bitter divorce in the 70s, I watch my friends' divorces today (mercifully few so far) and believe that the attention they pay to their children's emotional health can only be for the good. When my parents separated (and in my unusual case, my mother left us and was not truly a part of my life for about 6 years)my parents retreated into their pain and my sister and I were left to flail in the wind and fend for ourselves. Divorce was secretive and ugly, and all the adults in our lives (including family) simply slipped away from the sidelines. Today, although I am not a proponent of fully child-centric family life, I do believe that an emphasis on the children's mental health and stability seems to take precedence, and I see my friends ensuring that through mediation and thoughtful planning in their separations and divorces. And for that, I am extraordinarily grateful.

Account Deleted

Divorce its just so hard for the kids. when my parents separated, I was so doomed and very disappointed. But I just have to accept things as they are meant to happen. Good thing I got this planner/organizer from co-Parenting-Manager (http://4help.to/plan) which really helped me cope up with the situation. Their website is also perfect for parents and kids who are experiencing the dilemma of divorce.

Fix Your Marriage

When my first husband and I divorced, we spent some time discussing what the best approach would be to tell our children (we have 3 sons). We sat down together with all 3 boys, at home, told them that we were divorcing and that it was not anything that they had done. It is between us. We then explained that the "family" would be exactly the same except that their dad wouldn't be living at home. When one parent set expectations or rules down, the other parent would not overturn it and vice versa. It's been almost 8 years, our boys are full grown, however, we still abide by the rules we set down all those years ago.

Our sons are well adjusted and still spend time with both of us. We still have family get togethers, we just add in the two new spouses. It works for us and it helped our children go through an experience relatively unscathed.

Even when adults are going through tough times, we must always strive to put the mental and physical well being of our children first. Putting them in the middle NEVER works!

Greg Cynaumon

Yeah, it really depends..I know couple - a close friend of mine - who have been divorced for years yet their children appear to be unaffected..this could be because they are still friends despite of tearing the marriage apart.

Greg Cynaumon

This topic is still one of the hottest issues in the U.S - many are divorcing...too bad to comprehend that divorce seems to have become a way of life to some individuals..

advice for divorce

I was 8 when my parents split. Now, unfortunately I am going through a divorce myself. I am determined to be civil for the sake of my kids. I don't want a messy divorce like I remember my parents having.

Counseling Jacksonville Fl

I always motivate my customers to seek psychological help for them and their kids, either during or after the separation and divorce. It's awesome how many mother and father ignore the psychological impact of separation and divorce on their kids.

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