How Much Truth Is Too Much Truth?

Truth Tuesday

In October, I got a tattoo. There is a back-story to the tattoo, a reason for it, a whole "thing" that I wanted to do and prove. Suffice it to say, it is very small, it was my first and I was never the kind of girl you'd ever expect to have a tattoo.   

So I got the tattoo. In Vegas, by the way. 

After I returned home, I was torn. The Careful Me didn't want to tell my kids outright (the tattoo is on my hipbone, so it is always covered by clothing) but The Truthful Me didn't want to lie or hide the truth. 

My life is ALL out there for everyone to see (and read). The last thing I wanted to do was start selectively hiding things from my family all the while telling the whole world every last detail. 

Plus, I have one kid on Facebook and one on twitter. I mean, who am I fooling?! There was a chance they'd know before I even came home!

My fear was kind of silly now that I really think about it. It's not like I did anything wrong or bad, But tattoos are one of those horrible things you hope someone else's kid -- not yours, Heaven Forbid! -- comes home sporting on an arm or a shoulder. 

More than one person asked me something along the lines of: "Are you sure you want to do this? What if one of your kids came home with a tattoo later in life?" (And I also got MANY of the "You won't be buried in a Jewish cemetery" warnings as well. MANY.)

I understood the questions and the warnings. But at the end of the day, after age 18, both of my kids (and yours too) will be considered adults in the eyes of the law and in many other ways. They will have the ability and the freedom to make many decisions. I want them to be happy and fundamentally good people...the rest is gravy. 

Something like a tattoo, well, it is just a minor detail in a much bigger picture. Coming home with a tattoo is NOT something reflective of the character or nature of a person, though many people do equate it with all sorts of very negative flaws and related wrongdoings. 

After thinking about it more than a little but less than obsessing, I decided to just do what I always decide to do. 

The only thing I could do: Just tell them the whole truth. 

And that's what I did. 

Just told them. Simply. Directly. Immediately. 

And they cared a whole lot less than I thought they would.

My daughter thought it was cute (it is a ladybug) for about seven seconds and then walked away. 

My son said, "I can't believe my 37-year-old Mom has a tattoo."

"I'm 38," I reminded him.

"Oh yea," he said. And walked away. 

I even told my Ex. 

Everyone knew. No one in my family found out from twitter, Facebook, the Internet, text message or email. I told them all the good old-fashioned way. Face-to-face. Eye-to-eye. The truth. The simple truth.

Maybe you think I told too much. Or I did too much and never, as a responsible Mom, should have done something like get a tattoo in the first place. Or you are concerned where and if I will be buried. Or that I will have no right to complain if my son comes home with a scorpion tattoo in 10 years. Or maybe you don't see it as a big deal at all. 

That's where I am right now. It was a big deal for me because it had/has a lot of meaning. But the rest is all just "stuff" and stories we make up and build on in our heads. 

I'm just going to keep it simple as much as I can. Cuts down on a lot of nonsense and drama. Cuts down on all the swirling around in my head, too. The truth is pretty simple, that's what I will focus on and stick to. The truth. Even if it involves tattoos. 

Comments

[Karen Paul-Stern]

I wish I had your gumption. I also, am not a likely tattoo candidate, but have ALWAYS wanted just a small one, hidden from the world but that I know is there. However, my husband is completely against it on halachich (Jewish law) grounds. It would put a rift between us that I am not willing to take on. But I still dream ...

Thanks for posting!

[Katherine]

You sure like ladybugs -- I admit I see the appeal. I agree that if you're telling the world and your friends something, you should also tell your kids, so they don't find out through other channels. But I do think there are some things that you can and should keep private from your children, but I suppose that means also not blogging or tweeting about them...

BTW, it's my understanding that it's an urban myth to say Judaism prohibits people with tattoos from being buried in a Jewish cemetary. Even rabbis who feel that it's a desecration of your body to get a tattoo would consider it an obligation to pay honor to the dead, regardless of whether they have tattoos. See http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/17/fashion/17SKIN.html and http://judaism.about.com/od/conversi2/f/tatoos_burial.htm

[depression medication]

I never want to have tattoo but I am not saying that I am against to it. It's just that the cultural environment that I belong with are not much open when it comes to that issue.

[Chuck Simmins]

Outstanding. If all parents subscribed to this philosophy, I suspect raising children would become much easier.

[twitter.com/ctiedje]

Great post, Alison. Mine aren't old enough to care right now, but soon enough!