Angry at Tiger Woods? Get Over It.

Family Friday

Facing an uncharacteristic wait at the dentist's office last week, I passed the time with not one, but two People magazines, each devoted to the Tiger Woods kerfuffle.  The minutes flew as the drama unfolded, and I actually found myself annoyed when I was called before completely finishing the sidebar about Tiger's alleged mistresses.

Tiger certainly didn't embezzle anyone's life savings, nor has he murdered anyone.  It's really just another infidelity story, but somehow it has captured international attention.  The shock factor definitely plays a role - after all, while no one was surprised when Charlie Sheen's latest marriage imploded, Tiger always seemed above the fray.  But still, the attention seems disproportionate to the situation.

For me, and for many, People magazine and the like provides escapism, and as medical office managers will tell you, boredom + escapism = fewer patients kvetching about the wait time.  And reading about the travails of the glamorous beats worrying about how much work you're missing.

But there's more to it than escapism, of course.  Common in general (and particularly so in adult children of alcoholics, for some reason), projection is a defense mechanism in which we see and criticize our own faults in other people.  Just like the proverbial pot and kettle, when faced with an unpleasant truth about ourselves, we sometimes accuse others of that very thing.

As you grew up, did you notice that the people most critical of others' weight were typically fairly rotund themselves?  Or that the most jealous boyfriends were actually doing more of the cheating?

Now that you are a parent, you may find yourself suspecting your children of things that you did but they haven't.  And, at different times, my husband and I have each accused the other of slacking off on some household task, when the accuser was actually much guiltier.

For many people, celebrities such as Tiger Woods become enormous blank screens on which to project all of our own issues.  Since we don't know these people at all, this is easy and safe.  Feeling intense admiration, disgust, or anger toward celebrities produces far fewer emotional consequences than if we directed those feelings toward the people actually in our lives.

And when celebrities stop acting like the two-dimensional caricatures that we have created, it can feel like a personal affront.  So when Tiger's fresh-faced, wholesome image self-destructs, some of us do feel anger, disgust, and disillusionment. 

But are we really angry at Tiger?  (If I were his wife Elin, I may very well have found more creative uses of that golf club than she, but the entire point is that I'm not).  Or, does Tiger simply remind us of someone we know, or something about our own situation?  Elin might bring to mind your naïve younger sister who married a jerk, or Tiger might evoke images of some over-praised and undeserving lout you knew in high school.  Or maybe you recently discovered that your own spouse has some dirty secrets?

Envy factors in too.  Remember way back in the 1990s, when Bill, Monica, and Zippergate consumed us?   The people I remember harrumphing the loudest about the depravity of it all were married, middle-aged men – who, deep down, likely resented how darn easy it was for Clinton.     

So really, if you don't know Tiger, Elin, Charlie, Bill, or any given celebrity, yet you find their actions or situation upsetting you, then take a look at your own life.  Ask yourself who these people represent to you.

Mel Gibson recently said that he feels sorry for Tiger, and I actually find myself agreeing with him.  After all, Tiger (whose face disappears from cereal boxes even as I type) photographs well and plays golf better than just about anyone – but are those talents enough for him to survive all of the projected fury that other people's failings have created?

 by Jenny Douglas Vidas

Comments

[Debbie]

Good! Nice to have people view this with a little depth.

[wally]

I play golf and I've seen Tiger play in person about 20 times. I own Tiger books, videos, golf equipment. Tiger created an image of a goody-two-shoes, tunnel-vision perfectionist. Sure, he was rude, cursed on the course in front of children, stand-offish to the press, but we wrote it off as what he had to do to stay focused.

Now, he's seen as a guy who lived a lie, a big phony. So people remember him saying %^$^ on national TV at Pebble Beach. They see now why Tiger was so private. Basically, it's like a televangelist getting caught in a sex scandal. Anyway, that's my view.

[Greg]

I love the statement above, "Tiger created an image of a goody-two-shoes, tunnel-vision perfectionist". Sir did he create that image or did we? I mean, deep down inside we all want to be special in some way, but let's be honest here, a tunnel-vision perfectionist is truely not an image that sounds fun nor fitting for any human being. Realating the fact that you play golf in itself shows me that you are putting yourself in his shoes. Yes we may breath the same air, but the fact is that he is "Basically - as u put it" is simply one of plenty of people that happen to make some bad decisions his life. Is he and has he paid the price for this? You beat he has. Aside from losing his kids and wife, he has also lost endorsment after endorsment and rightfully so, but come on now. Also, let's not forget how much good he has done for the world in such a short amount time. When it comes to Tiger, the good far outways the harm. We need to let the man go and find himself and find what is important to him.

[Carolyn]

Your point of view is true. My own husband cheated on me with one shallow slut. Do you realize the DEEP, DEEP hurt that comes to the wife? News like this is very devastating even more so when it has been played out in the public. Forget Tiger--what about the humiliation Elin has gone through from public exposure? Tiger's indiscretions have been publicized, grandized, & sensationalized. Untruths have probably been told as well. Do you know what--there has to so much more out there that has not even been exposed yet. No, we don't have to know it--but Elin gets to know it!

The betrayal and hurt to Elin is very real and very huge. His children are so young that they might not even get to know Tiger that well as a father figure. He didn't happen to make some bad decisions in his life--he chose to do what he did many, many, many times in many evil and disrespectful ways. He deserves what he gets! Yes, the personal hurt is still deep. I don't feel a bit sorry for Tiger! Elin is the victim here. Tiger’s losses are great but, ahem. . . . tell me again why these losses are happening? News to Tiger: You cannot fill up an empty inside with sex--my husband has never been able to.

[Katherine]

This is such an interesting perspective, and one I've not read in the tabloids. I will have to watch myself and see which celebrities I get most outraged at.

Also, I found it interesting that Elin Woods was named one of the most admired women in America in a Gallup poll -- surely the sympathy vote, since I doubt most people even knew who she was before this kerfluffle.

[wctw]

People are just dumping their values system to Tiger.... Also, the tabloid/media contributed largely to escalating the scandal....I think jealousy played as well... A lot of people were envy of Tiger's success and wealth as well as wedding a beautiful wife with beautiful kids.. So they are bashing to see the downfall of Tiger as well as divorce.