A Tale of Working Moms, Great Books, and Fabulous Friends

Work Wednesday

Last night was my book club's annual holiday fete.  Our group of seven women dined on fancy hors d'ouevres and delicious desserts, exchanged gift books, and drank some lovely champagne.  (So, excuse any typos today, please!)  Oh, and we actually talked about the book we read this month, too! 

I've blogged before about my passion for books and my need for good friends.

But what do books and friends have to do with working moms?

Well, as Lynn Alphonse over at the 36-hour day on WorkitMom.com has observed, for many working moms, it's often difficult to make new friends or to spend time away from family to connect with old ones. And reading? For pleasure?  (See what at least some working moms have to say about their lack of literary leisure time.) I haven't experienced either as a tremendous problem, although motherhood has definitely cut into my formerly expansive reading and hanging out habits. 

Having a monthly book club meeting means that I get at least one book in - and one girl's night out - every thirty days or so. (Of course, there are some months that I don't finish the book but sometimes that's more about taste than time.) Plus, my book club has an extra benefit  - working mom camaraderie.

Yes, we're all working moms! Who enjoy working. Most days, that is.

Our group is very cohesive.  Over time, some members have sadly moved away (and there have been a few, very few, that have either self-expelled or been constructively discharged).  But for about the past decade, our group has been relatively stable.  Today, we're seven women with seven full-time (or nearly-full-time) paying jobs and 13 seemingly more-than-full-time kids in the mix. Plus, seven husbands and a few non-custodial step-kids. And one of us, who already has a son on the verge of teen-hood, is about to adopt a beautiful six-year-old boy from Ethiopia. (Truly wondrous! Hopefully, she and her husband will meet their new son sometime after the New Year.)

Because we live in the Washington, D.C. area, we have typical (read: more wonkish than glamorous) D.C.-ish careers.  There's a public relations professional and a non-profit executive. And, of course, more than a few lawyers. (We do have our own star divorce attorney!) And then there's our teacher, who also happens to be a wonderful philosopher and a former professional baker trained in France!  

Our conversations often reflect our multiple identities.  On any given night, depending, in large part, on whether we've enjoyed or loathed our chosen book, we'll swerve from our literary discourse and engage in more of a free-for-all talkfest.  We'll veer from politics to promotions to poop to people. Including People, the magazine.

Many of our conversations are about the challenges of working motherhood. (We do often ask why we're not talking about working fatherhood! Or working parenthood!) We talk frankly about about ambition and opportunities.  And about trade-offs we've made or are making. And about feminism and how and where it fits in to our work/life realities. Over the years, we've discussed topics like the pros and cons of starting a brand new law firm, the pluses and perils of moving from the public to the private sector and vice versa (a not-uncommon D.C. scenario), and the dos and don'ts of negotiating your way out of a difficult work situation. All with the responsibilities (and joys) of motherhood in mind.  When our lives get overwhelming or we're thinking about making changes, our book group is a safe place to talk about our choices.

Nights like last night remind me of how much my book club has added to my life over the years. Some truly wonderful books.  Many kind, funny, and smart women. Coping strategies. More than a few laughs and some excellent desserts.  And some truly great stories. 

Maybe not enough for a novel, yet. But who knows?

Comments

[Katherine]

This sounds like such a wonderful tradition. I want to join your book group! Only problem, I already have a singing group and writers group ... so I probably would have to give one of those up first. Thanks for this post.

[Marie]

I need a book club & some friends who are also working moms. I don't work with any, so it makes it difficult.

[Barbara]

what a great book club! my book club has working women with kids and working women without kids. Many of our discussions center around the themes and actions of characters that illustrate the different perspectives of women with children vs not having children. The discussions are sometimes very lively though everyone respects the others' opinions.
BTW, I live across the bridge (Bay Bridge) on the Eastern Shore.

[Wendy Levitt]

I've got a great book for working moms. AT THE CORNER OF WALL AND SESAME is all about how hard it is to balance work and motherhood (not to mention squeezing time in for your husband, too). Great validation for anyone who ever wondered if having it all was really possible.