Women Don't Ask -- for Cash, Control or Capital

Startup Sunday

Photo by Joe M500 via Flickr.

Women don't ask, it's widely acknowledged, whether it's for money, a leadership position or some other golden apple. Men initiate negotiations roughly four times as often as women. Even when women do negotiate, we typically ask for less and receive 30 percent less than men, on average, according to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, authors of the seminal book on the topic, Women Don't Ask. In the political arena, while women win elections as often as men do, they are far less likely to run -- and then, usually only when someone asks them to stand for office.

This dichotomy has been on my mind for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm a member of a board that is almost entirely women -- committed, long-term members of the organization. Recently, a man joined the group and immediately put himself in the running for a leadership position. Not a single woman on the board would have thought to do that; we all started as volunteers, organized an event or two and a year or more later felt we'd earned the right to run for office.

Then, a Technorati survey found that men dominate the blogosphere, penning about two-thirds of all blogs. A Mother Jones article on the topic sparked renewed debate by asking where the "lady" bloggers were -- "female" made the headline too long, writer Marian Wang explained, in response to criticism of her word choice. Among the blog comments were stories of women bloggers who'd been personally threatened and verbally attacked for no other reason, they felt, than their gender.

To me, it doesn't really matter whether it's societal pressure regarding gender roles or some biological difference that makes women reluctant to put ourselves forward or to ask for what we want. The results are clear: over a lifetime, people who negotiate every salary increase will out-earn their less assertive counterparts by more than $1 million overall. The decision to negotiate salary for your first job, alone, will result in a lifetime difference of $500,000. Women will continue to earn less and have less power than men unless we can close this "ask" gap.

The answer -- what to do -- is more opaque. Because in addition to showing that women are reluctant to negotiate, the sociological research also presents the reason why: women who are assertive are viewed negatively. From Madonna to Martha Stewart to Hillary Clinton, powerful women invariably receive public vitriol as their reward for success. On a smaller scale, the office powerhouse is often viewed with admiration and respect if male -- but scorn and distrust if female. Just look at the scathing comment thread to a New York Times article on women managers.

In my own negotiations over the course of my career, my goal has always been to be paid fairly for the value I bring to the table. Although my style is not the typical brash male approach (forgive the generalization), I am not shy about asking for what I think I'm worth, backed up with evidence. Often, the reaction is shock. I wonder if that surprise is because I'm female -- possibly the first woman in some time to attempt to negotiate pay.

For mom entrepreneurs, the gender disparity in resources is stark. Women own about 40 percent of U.S. businesses but receive only 2.3 percent of the available equity capital -- male-owned companies get the other 97.7 percent, again, according to Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever. Unless women have greater access to capital, the most successful company founders will continue to be men.

Do you run your business off credit cards, savings and personal loans? Have you even considered seeking equity investors to allow you to grow faster?

Now, ask yourself whether the answers to those questions may relate in any way to your gender.

Comments

[Lyn]

There are actually studies that show that women who DO ask suffer negative effects. See http://www.feministing.com/archives/007469.html

"They found that there are clear social ramifications for women to ask for raises. It is dangerous for them to do so as they will hurt their reputation and potentially hurt their work environment."

I've certainly seen and felt this sort of effect personally. It's subtle, but it's there. And it's not women's fault that our 'asking' comes with different costs than does a man asking. Rational women sense this and behave accordingly.

I find the 'women don't ask' framing to be unconstructive as it places the blame on what women do or don't do (and then ultimately becomes about what *individual* women do or don't do), as opposed to on broader systemic issues.