In-law Pie

Fatherhood Friday

I just returned from an overseas trip in time for Thanksgiving. Between the travel and the tryptophan I was feeling half a step behind hanging out with over 25 relatives who joined us at my in-laws' home for our Thanksgiving day meal. (Although on paper we reserve the right to decide each year between spending Thanksgiving at my in-laws or with my parents, in reality we alternate each year in order to keep the peace. But that's a topic for another post. . .)

Thanksgiving is a great time to consider your relationship with your in-laws. I feel very fortunate that I get along extremely well with my in-laws. That extends to my wife's siblings, cousins and aunts and uncles too. Overall its a great family, and having come from a very small extended family I enjoy the dynamics of being part of a larger family.

But there was one issue that came up. Because it was a holiday and all the family was over, we let our six-year old stay up late. At almost 9 p.m. he shows me a plate with a big piece of pumpkin pie. Now, he knows that we don't allow him to eat dessert late, especially when he already had his dessert earlier in the evening. (I'm pretty sure that's why he showed it to me.) But just to be sure that my wife and I didn't have a miscommunication I asked him if his mother said he could have it. He said no, and then pointed to a family member.

I told him that even though a family member gave it to him he couldn't have it; I added, just in case, that he hadn't done anything wrong. But I was irritated. If someone wants to give their kids slices of pie late in the evening I might not agree with it, but that's their parenting choice. Even if my kid is watching them eat it, the adult still shouldn't give him any. I was in the kitchen at the time; in my opinion she should have asked me if it was okay, or even asked him to ask me, before giving him that slice of pie.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened, but its been a while. Perhaps more important, we have 4 more days of all being together. (We live far away from each other and the whole family gets together maybe once or twice a year.) So, the question I have for Current Mom readers is, should I say anything to this person? 

Comments

[Marie]

I would definitely say something instead of holding it in and letting it build. If it were the last day, then I probably wouldn't

[Stacy]

I'd let it go. It's Thanksgiving, after all, and as you said, you only see these people once or twice a year. If it was something more serious, like a family member deciding not to bother with the car seat buckle (this actually happened to a friend of mine), I'd definitely say something. But a little hyperactivity-inducing late night pie, well, it's OK to let things go off the rails every once in a while as long as your kid understands its an exception. Plus, my kids had sweets at 9:00 p.m. too last night!

[Cece]

I'm just thinking about your sweet 6-year-old and the bonding that accompanies late-night contraband pumpkin pie eating with relatives who rarely get together. A deep south thing maybe. I wish I had gotten to see my dessert-rules defying relatives for the holiday. I'll trade you my situation for yours. It was very lonely. Sniffle.