Happiness and the Working Dad

Fatherhood Friday

I enjoyed reading my colleague Stacy's take this past Wednesday on Happiness and the Working Mom. Got me thinking about Happiness and the Working Dad and a big decision that this working dad (and his working wife) are making.

For many years a group of guys I play basketball with would go out afterwards and talk about various issues in our lives. (Check out www.thursdaynighthoops.com, just about ready to be updated after a summer hiatus). Many of the topics we discussed focused on what makes guys happy, though we never framed it that way.

One of the conclusions I drew from those conversations is that Happiness and the Working Dad is a big deal to most men I know. Like working moms, working dads are trying to balance all their different roles - father, husband, son, brother, employee, boss, friend, individual - and can get just as tired, frazzled and harried as our wives. We want to excel at all these roles, but most of the time are willing to settle for not dropping the ball with any of them. 

I also agree with Stacy in her criticism that the framing of too much choice as a major cause of women's unhappiness is too easily (and falsely) used as a jumping off point for those who want to push women back to the "barefoot and pregnant" days. But focusing on that extreme point risks overlooking the impact of choice on those of us - men and women - who are navigating so many multiple roles. In short,I believe that too much choice contributes to the unhappiness of men and women in each role we play. The more roles you have, the more likely the plethora of daily choices can overwhelm your sense of happiness. 

In every single role that I mentioned above, there are so many choices that one faces everyday that it becomes exhausting and ultimately contributes to our levels of happiness (or lack thereof). I am truly envious of those people I know who can slice past all the choices we need to make every day and break it down to a few key ones. I have to think that simpler is better, or at least less exhausting.

So my wife and I made a decision to simplify our lives. We're leaving the East Coast for the slower pace of the midwest. While our primary driver is to be near family, what makes this work is knowing how much simpler - and less stressful - our daily lives will be. Yeah, we'll miss the excitement of the big city and our close friends. But when I think about how much easier it will be to excel - and not simply hope to make sure the ball doesn't drop - at being a dad, husband, son, brother, employee, boss, friend and individual, I'm confident that my daily happiness level will be much higher. 

Comments

[David]

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[Stacy]

Thanks for riffing of my post! You make some excellent points although I have to say that I don't think I'd be happy with just one role - I kind of like my multiple roles. That said, I do agree that simpler is less exhausting, and less tired = more happy! We already miss you here on the East Coast!

[Bradi]

Keep us posted on the life change. One I often contemplate but also one I'll never make. I think i like this frenetic life in a sick sort of way.
Best to you.